Pink Hair
I am on my way to go get pink hair.
Actually, more red or plum or magenta. Who the hell knows? Maybe blue.
Because it's only hair and I am bored. We'll see what I get. If I am motivated, I will take a picture and post it.
Which leads me to one of this blog's few forays into RWA, into the "politics" of being a writer.
I don't attend conventions. Some of it has to do with a morbid fear of flying. But as Buddhism made me more comfortable with death . . . I am kind of cool with flying. Some of it has to do with four kids. Who the HELL in their right mind will watch all four? If you are thinking that perhaps my significant other would--of COURSE he would. But here's the thing. My kids are TRUANT when he does. As in . . . I am in meetings with my editors in NYC and my cell rings, and I usually do not answer, but I am a mom of four traveling, and I know my editors well, so I ask if they mind if I make sure it's not that the two-year-old set the house on fire. No. It's Significant Other. And I hear children's voices in the background. And I say, "Someone sick?" And I get, "No . . . we just couldn't get our sh*t together this morning, so school . . . it kind of didn't happen." Now, school either HAPPENS or it DOESN'T happen. It doesn't "kind of not happen." So my kids rack up a lot of truant dates when I travel (for the record, they are A students, so that is why the police don't show up--LOL!). They also aren't reminded to brush their teeth, shower, and it's possible the two-year-old will wear the same pajamas for four days. So, no, conventions aren't appealing.
But if I am honest with you all, the main reason they aren't appealing is elucidated in KARMELA JOHNSON'S blog post. Past the So You Think You Can Dance stuff (Go D-Trix!), she writes about this "controversy" that even Nora Roberts weighed in on. The short version is two cool authors decided to wear a funky "theme" to their clothes and were deemed "unprofessional" by Nora and others. There are blogs with 400 (!!!!) comments on these gals.
People, get over yourselves.
But that's not all. I have pals in publishing across many genres, and many publishers. And the backbiting over erotica, over e-pubbing, over all kinds of at the end of the day not that important stuff makes me insane.
I don't care. Yup, ure and simple, I don't care what someone chooses to wear. Those women could have shown up in bras and panties, and I wouldn't have cared. I think writers should have pink hair if they want (Erica waves to her most stupendous friend in the whole world who has had pink, purple, blue, red, and every shade and STILL kicks anyone's a** including mine when it comes to writing). I think people are self-important over this stuff. Who appointed anyone--best-selling author or not--high priestess of what a romance writer should wear or dress? It's like the ignorant people who think when they talk to my Mexican other half that he somehow speaks for ALL Mexicans on the immigration wars. No. He is ONE Mexican, just as no African-American can speak for his or her entire race, and no romance writer, no matter how she dresses, represents us all.
Get over it.
And I will repeat what I said on Karm's blog. When I worked in NYC in publishing in the 1980s, the most creative, wonderful people worked in the biz too. And the best of the best cover designers were these wild, fun guys, one of whom made his whole cube look like a lobster fisherman's boat--all the time, not for Halloween or anything. And the AIDS crisis hit. And it hits the arts--that us writers and artists--harder. And I BURIED a lot of friends. I had men I worked with alive one day, gorgeous and healthy. And dead two months later. Abandoned by most. That was when people were afraid to kiss guys with AIDS. People didn't want to share utensils. It was horrifying. I have plenty of HIV positive friends and we ALL remember that time. And I have had one or two of them well up when I kiss them, or let my baby kiss them. We remember those days.
Don't we all have more important things to do? To fret about? To put our voices behind? As people in the ARTS?
So at the end of the day--at the end of THIS day--I will have funky hair. And at the end of the day, that is why I don't go to conventions. I don't join the PTA. I just don't. Group think is narrow and petty, in my experience. People get caught up in being right. In pontificating. In proving they are somehow better than someone else. In defining US and THEM. For me, it isn't healthy to be around it.
So there you go . . . I KNOW there is so much more to the RWA, to conventions. I don't knock it for others--HONEST, I don't. It helps and guides and does some amazing things for writers. I know if I went, I would see SO MANY online pals and people I don't get to see often. I know all that. But at the end of the day, it's hard for me to listen to squabbles. I don't like the toxic nature of how things get overblown. Over nothing. Over two women who decided to wear funky thigh-highs.
So that's my half a cent.
PEACE,
E
Actually, more red or plum or magenta. Who the hell knows? Maybe blue.
Because it's only hair and I am bored. We'll see what I get. If I am motivated, I will take a picture and post it.
Which leads me to one of this blog's few forays into RWA, into the "politics" of being a writer.
I don't attend conventions. Some of it has to do with a morbid fear of flying. But as Buddhism made me more comfortable with death . . . I am kind of cool with flying. Some of it has to do with four kids. Who the HELL in their right mind will watch all four? If you are thinking that perhaps my significant other would--of COURSE he would. But here's the thing. My kids are TRUANT when he does. As in . . . I am in meetings with my editors in NYC and my cell rings, and I usually do not answer, but I am a mom of four traveling, and I know my editors well, so I ask if they mind if I make sure it's not that the two-year-old set the house on fire. No. It's Significant Other. And I hear children's voices in the background. And I say, "Someone sick?" And I get, "No . . . we just couldn't get our sh*t together this morning, so school . . . it kind of didn't happen." Now, school either HAPPENS or it DOESN'T happen. It doesn't "kind of not happen." So my kids rack up a lot of truant dates when I travel (for the record, they are A students, so that is why the police don't show up--LOL!). They also aren't reminded to brush their teeth, shower, and it's possible the two-year-old will wear the same pajamas for four days. So, no, conventions aren't appealing.
But if I am honest with you all, the main reason they aren't appealing is elucidated in KARMELA JOHNSON'S blog post. Past the So You Think You Can Dance stuff (Go D-Trix!), she writes about this "controversy" that even Nora Roberts weighed in on. The short version is two cool authors decided to wear a funky "theme" to their clothes and were deemed "unprofessional" by Nora and others. There are blogs with 400 (!!!!) comments on these gals.
People, get over yourselves.
But that's not all. I have pals in publishing across many genres, and many publishers. And the backbiting over erotica, over e-pubbing, over all kinds of at the end of the day not that important stuff makes me insane.
I don't care. Yup, ure and simple, I don't care what someone chooses to wear. Those women could have shown up in bras and panties, and I wouldn't have cared. I think writers should have pink hair if they want (Erica waves to her most stupendous friend in the whole world who has had pink, purple, blue, red, and every shade and STILL kicks anyone's a** including mine when it comes to writing). I think people are self-important over this stuff. Who appointed anyone--best-selling author or not--high priestess of what a romance writer should wear or dress? It's like the ignorant people who think when they talk to my Mexican other half that he somehow speaks for ALL Mexicans on the immigration wars. No. He is ONE Mexican, just as no African-American can speak for his or her entire race, and no romance writer, no matter how she dresses, represents us all.
Get over it.
And I will repeat what I said on Karm's blog. When I worked in NYC in publishing in the 1980s, the most creative, wonderful people worked in the biz too. And the best of the best cover designers were these wild, fun guys, one of whom made his whole cube look like a lobster fisherman's boat--all the time, not for Halloween or anything. And the AIDS crisis hit. And it hits the arts--that us writers and artists--harder. And I BURIED a lot of friends. I had men I worked with alive one day, gorgeous and healthy. And dead two months later. Abandoned by most. That was when people were afraid to kiss guys with AIDS. People didn't want to share utensils. It was horrifying. I have plenty of HIV positive friends and we ALL remember that time. And I have had one or two of them well up when I kiss them, or let my baby kiss them. We remember those days.
Don't we all have more important things to do? To fret about? To put our voices behind? As people in the ARTS?
So at the end of the day--at the end of THIS day--I will have funky hair. And at the end of the day, that is why I don't go to conventions. I don't join the PTA. I just don't. Group think is narrow and petty, in my experience. People get caught up in being right. In pontificating. In proving they are somehow better than someone else. In defining US and THEM. For me, it isn't healthy to be around it.
So there you go . . . I KNOW there is so much more to the RWA, to conventions. I don't knock it for others--HONEST, I don't. It helps and guides and does some amazing things for writers. I know if I went, I would see SO MANY online pals and people I don't get to see often. I know all that. But at the end of the day, it's hard for me to listen to squabbles. I don't like the toxic nature of how things get overblown. Over nothing. Over two women who decided to wear funky thigh-highs.
So that's my half a cent.
PEACE,
E
20 comments:
Wow! I'm speechless...Okay, so I'm not completely speechless (that would probably require some sort of surgical procedure)
First, THANK YOU. I thought I was missing out by not joining/attending. Obviously I was wrong.
Funny, when contemplating going, I worried about stuttering if I actually got to pitch...about forgetting the title of my own book...about presenting an idea that made someone snort a beverage out their nose, but it never ONCE occurred to me I should worry about the length of my skirt!
Forgive my lack of creativity in the choice of language, BUT what an utter pile of SHIT!
p.s, like you, I probably wouldn't have considered the books, not my thing, but I'm gonna buy 'em now. And maybe a pair of those pink stripped socks too. :P
p.s 2, I'm sure you'll look awesome with pink/purple/blue hair!!!
Hi Lainey:
I have to be totally clear in that I don't want my post to be confrontational that going to conventions is a bad thing or that RWA isn't important to many, many writers. It's just for ME, I don't "get" it. It's a human nature thing. I just cannot imagine caring???????? I can't imagine noticing. Gossiping about it. Commenting on it. It just wouldn't enter into my realm of thinking, my universe. Nothing. But it's not an isolated thing. LAST year everyone freaked out over the video shown before the awards and Nora Roberts refused to go on because it was tacky. It WAS tacky--they showed the Twin Towers burning and other events against a backdrop of women's romance. So it flopped. BUT, and here's the thing, it was like people couldn't come back and talk about it as an offhanded, "Well that was an odd movie choice" thing. People ripped the RWA president a new you-know-what. As if that woman and her committee sat around for months beforehand and thought, "How can we produce a video guaranteed to offend all who attend?" I just don't understand why, when things like that happen, people don't just shrug and move on.
E
P.S. Maybe we can start our own anti-convention where we just hang and have a cocktail and support one another and don't gossip but have a bunch of laughs. Any chance you could come to D.C.? I bet we could get some writers to come!
Yes! I agree completely. I actually saw the pic of those two authors in their outfits at the conference and all I could think was "they look so cute"!. And heck, if I looked like they do, I'd so work it.
I'd love to do purple hair. Not all of it, just a streak. But I don't have the cute haircut to do it.
Do post a pic after you get pinked, Erica!
M
I think Liz and Mari looked amazing—I really don’t see what the problem is. But I really enjoyed reading your post today, as it really sums up why I shy away from “group think.”
A
PS- Pink hair sounds awesome!
Michele:
Ditto. I thought they looked adorable.
E
Hi Alyson:
I don't get it either. To be honest, I read Karm's blog and thought . . . how could people be upset? Then I bloghopped and found out that YES, people were REALLY upset. It's insane.
E
Peace and pink hair... fabulous!
I so wish I'd kept my yap shut over the controversy, but I felt sooo awful for Liz and Marianne. I felt awful for everyone that felt awful, even if I didn't agree with them. I've been chomping on Tums because of it. I really should have been meditating instead of following the bull shit.
The only reason I go to Nationals is to see people I might never get the opportunity to see otherwise. I can buy the tapes from BillsPro or get a recap from my local chapter. This brouhaha has made me reevaluate my involvement with RWA, though.
I want to respect everyone's opinions. But the thread was intimidating and unproductive, and I think the genuine concerns have now been lost to the controversy.
Pity.
(I join PTA for the phone books, but I never make the meetings. I have three demanding kids and I do not do babysitters.)
Hi Heather:
To me, it seems like every year, there is something that drives people into a tizzy. I don't hear about this kind of nonsense coming out of NINC or other writer groups, but maybe it does. Does RWA have more of it because it's all women? I don't know--I'm not even really wondering at this point. I only know things seem, as an outsider looking in, to go from a mild discussion to name-calling insanity FAST. Like brushfire.
Anyway, my blog, for me, let's me explore my inner writing life . . . so the post was a "thinking aloud" of why i don't do groups. I volunteer at my kids' school. I volunteer as a mentor. I attend a church with my children and am very involved. But I choose to do all those things without feeling as if I am "on the board" or needing to get into the politics. For my own spiritual and mental health, I like just not "owning" anything but my own volunteerism.
Peace! :-)
E
Post a picture of your hair when it's done. Me- I would just like to get the gray out.
I'll tell you, if people put half as much time in their craft as they did talking about what people should wear at Nationals, there would be some damn good books out there. What a freakin' waste of the blogsphere? Everyone seemed to forget the fact that $56,000 was raised at the signing. I guess wearing a black swan hat or pink leggings is more important to talk about than the fight against illiteracy.
Okay, getting off my soap box now. :)
Marcia.
Amen!
E
I too felt I was missing out. I'll stick with local conferences, thank you very much!
Also, though not Lucille Ball orange, I now had redder locks. What fun!
This whole "inappropriate attire" situation is beyond me.
Let's see, author or fashion police...respect or judgement hmm...think I'll stick with author and respecting the choices of others.
Well, I'm off to compliment my new do with a black mini and fishnet thigh-highs.
Hey Kathy:
The funny thing is, I could have gone . . . and never noticed those two women in the funky outfits. Why? Because it just would never have dawned on me to think anything of it. So, I guess, in retrospect, I could have gone and had fun--LOL! I don't know if it's coming from NYC originally . .. or being friends with a lot of different kinds of people . . . but I just do not tend to think about what's "appropriate" in terms of clothes. I've been to funerals where people showed up in construction clothes and t-shirts, and my attitude is just to assume they came from the job site to pay their respects. As I tell my mom--the person in the casket doesn't know . . . and doesn't care. So I just can't get my panties in a twist.
And rock on in those thigh-highs.
For the record . . . the salon didn't have a good choice of pink/plum, so they said wait until fall . . . and I came home with bleached stripes, which are very cool. :-)
E
I have had such a struggle over RWA, lately. First, I had a blast. I talked to a ton of people, and I loved talking with every single one. Second, I'm generally one to suggest making the organization better, rather than quitting or being angry. I've tried giving them the benefit of the doubt about e-pubs, thinking perhaps it's just stuck in old-school, old-power thinking.
And then I saw this controversy over those cute, cute, ohmigawd-cute outfits, and I have been flabbergasted ever since.
I just can't wrap my mind around it, really. I can't put myself in their shoes, and I can't understand their point of view AT ALL. I wanted to blog about it, but all I can think is, "I can't believe it!"
If I do go next year, you better believe it'll be with pink and purple hair and the most creative outfits I can find.
But holy crap, I'm stunned. What do they think writing is? Corporate America? Sure, it's a business (I have made all my living from the arts since I was 22), but ... it's art, too! Entertainment, expression, that's what it's supposed to be about!
Hi Spy:
First, love your new site, and your new picture.
And yes . . . I try to pause . . . walk in another's shoes, and THEN react. I have to be honest in that, though I ascribe to a "peaceful" life, I do struggle with my temper. So I sat on this blog post a bit . . . but in the end, I was comfortable with what I wrote. And though I try to see others' points of view . . . I cannot see this one. I respect the right of others to HAVE a different point of view, but I am unable to wrap my mind around it. I love creativity. I love it as it is embodied in all forms from pink hair to piercings to writing to art, to clothes . . . I applaud my nine-year-olds pink "Chuck Taylors" and her desire for a nose ring. I am really OK with it. I went to a store recently and the most BEAUTIFUL girl with all colors of hair and tattoos and an INNER beauty waited on me. I said, "I love you hair." And we talked and she said her parents just kind of gave up on her. I told her, "Real beauty comes from within." She welled up. Who am I to say what is right or wrong? I get, in a law firm, that there are dress codes, or in a government position, or a bank. But writers should be able to embrace art in all its forms--including "costume" or persona. Look at "The Series of Unfortunate Events"--that author refuses to even admit he is the AUTHOR. He goes on national TV as a PERSONA!
E
Hey, Erica, I'm anti-group, also. Just because I don't like crowds and don't like 'group think' things where everyone argues about something forever and ever and never gets anything done.
I've never joined the PTA, because they *still* haven't explained why I should pay money to their organization. What exactly do they do??
The only reason I would ever join the RWA or go to their convention is if I were published (and I'm hoping that will come true someday) and/or it would be good for my career to go to meet with agents or editors. That's about it.
I don't get the costume issue. Let the writers wear whatever they want. Who cares?
Hi Kristin:
There are definitely GREAT networking opportunities at RWA. I have met agents at conventions, had great conversations with editors, and so on. But for me, and it's a personal decision, I find the group think or bickering overwhelms the postive. I know it's just me . . . but I just can't past the pettiness.
I think that the main reason that people will start/join/whatever these kind of "controversies" is because we all crave the drama (insert laugh track here). We may not like the draa in our life, but we will sure enough seek it out in movies, books, blogs, etc. Granted there are exceptions to this... but as human beings, existing in the human experience, we just really get off on the drama.
One of the reasons I love writing so much is that it helps me to unload the drama in my life onto the page and get it out of my head. It is a genuinely cathartic experience. I try to write down the times I am "dramatic" and put them on the characters in my stories. I think it makes them more believable.
My biggest question after all of this is what the hell is "professional" supposed to look like in the arts?
I just went to a tattoo expo and saw a LOT of professional artists with amazing (AMAZING!) artwork on their bodies. I wonder how that would go over with Miss Nora and crew? I ended up with a nice and very artistic tattoo on Sat. night and I don't feel any less "professional" at writing or at my day job in cubicle hell. Just my $.02 for what it ever may be worth.
Can't wait to see your new colors Erica. I'll swap you a picture of my tattoo for a picture of your hair.
And if you ever decide to do a meeting of writers I would seriously look at airfare for a visit. I end up out that way at least once a year anyway for various reasons.
ewoh:
Nice to see you back. Would love to see your tattoo. Will have to snap my stripes and post it. And I agree. Tattoos are often beautiful.
E
P.S. I would DEFINITELY consider trying to organize a writer retreat. Let me talk to some D.C. pals and see what I can come up with.
I love the idea of a retreat :)
I will email you off-blog with the picture... which I should be posting on my blog anyway.
Well, I know what I'll be doing tonight.
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