Sentence by Sentence
I was recently asked to evaluate a manuscript for an editor-pal. What I read--for 15 pages until I put it down--was an entire back story dump. It was awful. In the adage of "show don't tell," this was stupefyingly "telling." And no, the author doesn't get more than 15 pages of my time. Life's too short. This was too bad.
Very new writers often stumble at the whole back story issue. When I point out "show don't tell" sections, the usual response I have gotten has nearly always been, "But I have to tell the reader x or y because it's important." My response is almost always twofold: It might not be as important as you think. And two, there are ways to show this.
Okay, now suppose you've been writing for a few years. You "get" the whole "show don't tell" adage. You don't ever back story dump. Now it's time for the sentence-by-sentence edit for "show don't tell."
This is where I'm at. Weeding out single sentences of telling.
For example . . . . instead of saying my character felt cold, I will change the sentence to have them look at the sky outside, feel the wind picking up, and go in search of a sweater. Or add a blanket at night. Or kick one off. I don't have to TELL the reader my character "felt" anything. Search for the word "felt" and chances are it's a tell, not a show.
A superstitious character? I don't have to say so. Just have them knock on wood at some point in the conversation. Scared? Check the closet and under the bed. You get the idea. These are broad examples and pretty cliched, but it "shows" my point.
I would say most of this showing versus telling has become second nature, but I will still find spots where I seem to want to do both--TELL the reader my character's trait AND show it.
So now it's ruthless editing. Whereas years ago, I edited out huge chunks of back story, now it's a sentence. A word.
I suppose that's progresss.
So . . . in your quest to show not tell, where are you in the journey? What other signs do you have in your writing that you are progressing as a writer?
18 comments:
Aside from the "seem" thing, I notice that (I think I'm doing it there) I have a character say something like:
I saw the zombies attack Ash.
Sometimes that's good, I think, but I need probably to write: The zombies attacked Ash.
It's just a quirk, but I use it a lot and that's where problems occur.
I try to eliminate unnecessary words; use strong and interesting verbs.
I've taken huge strides in getting out of my characters heads -- more with the Show Don't Tell. I can write an entire scene or chapter and self-edit along the way to eliminate having to come back and knock my own block off!
I do have a backstory issue. My main character's backstory appears in chapter three, in a series of relevant (or so I think and have been told) flashbacks. She is driving home from her first date as a divorced mom and flashes back to the last time she had a first date -- with her ex at age 16, etc. I still wonder how much is too much, but I'm in a rewrite process so I think it will come together. I also think that in constructing backstory (even in your mind) you have the chance to truly shape your character - perhaps foreshadowing things like superstitiousness or fear.
Great topic.
I judged three contests in a row lately (no more for awhile, please!). Info/backstory dumps were the biggest problems.
As far as using the word "feel," yes, you're right that we should use an alternative most of the time. But sometimes an alternative is too convoluting and complicated. Sometimes the simplest way, using the word "feel," is the best. JMO.
I'm at the point where (thank God) I no longer dump back-story, in fact I eradicate it. Just because someone's afraid of deep water doesn't mean you have to describe that time when he was a kid visiting Niagra Falls and fell in.
The line-by-line stuff is harder to catch, except in the work of others. Someone recently showed me a first chapter in which the sentence "She relaxed" appeared. It leapt off the page. I just wish my own crap were somehow printed in red ink or otherwise made easy to see.
I have been working on this very topic, but as usual, you cut into it with laser precision.
Thanks for another great post.
Hi Mark;
I catch myself doing the same thing.
E
Jude:
Strong verbs eliminate the need for adverbs.
E
Hi Amy:
It's always tricky using flashback--which is essentially backstory. But I think flashbacks can be used effectively.
E
Edie:
Contest judging does, often, let you see problematic issues time and time again. It can be illuminating.
E
Stephen:
Crap written in red. Wouldn't that be so helpful?
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ewoh:
Glad to oblige. ;-)
E
I have a mental filter rule: every single sentence must bristle with underlying conflict or suspense. I don't know if I really follow that completely (or if that's really possible), but it keeps me from too much backstory. Usually. My last novella I had three paragraphs scattered through. In retrospect, two sentences would have been much better.
My other mental filter rule (again, I'm not even sure if I agree, but it keeps me on track) is that any backstory should tell an intriguing story, and not explain something.
Joseph Finder and, if I remember correctly, you do this: Use a little story (like a real story, not info dump) from the character's past to describe something or someone right now. Like the cheating-for-cereal thing. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE when you guys do that. I get all these little mini-stories within the big story. It's the one thing I can't seem to pull of so well, that I really, really wish I could do. (I'm not really sure if that's backstory, though?)
Hi Spy:
I do use flashback or the past . . . but I "hope" it's in a relevant way. In The Roofer, it was all in the story structure. Same with Invisible Girl.
I haven't read Finder. I will have to check him out.
E
I love how you describe the progression in your own writing.
Sentence by sentence editing---the final touches, love it!!!
I recently had a writerly leap about verbs. I was so excited! Something clicked, and I feel like I'm at the next level.
Hi Chris:
How great when that happens!!!
E
Wow. It's surprising that an editor would make such a blatant mistake; it seems like such a thing would have annoyed them when they read it in others' books, after all.
As for my own struggles, sometimes I let myself write some of the backstory, just to get it down, and then I ruthlessly cut it out later, when I'm not attached to it. And you're right -- it's so often not as important as we think it is. I'm getting the point, though, where I'm as impatient writing backstory as I am reading it, so it is easier and easier to sprinkle in.
Hi Caryn:
Oh . . . no, my error in explaining it. I was EVALUATING it, not editing. So it wasn't bought yet--and won't be bought, I promise you. LOL!
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