The Enemy

When I first discovered Buddhism, I learned a meditation, a mindfulness exercise. You fix on a person in your head whom you love and meditate on him or her, wishing them peace. Then you fan it out . . . you walk through the store or down the street and as you pass people by, you project, "I wish you peace"--to strangers. With a smile on your face. The first time I tried it, it was in the chaos of Christmas a few years ago. I let harried shoppers go ahead of me on line. (Most people thought I was kidding!) I stopped to help a frustrated clerk with a fallen-down display. I left the store feeling calm . . . and peaceful. Then, of course, there is the next part. Thinking of an enemy and wishing them peace.

The problem was, I didn't really think I HAD any enemies. I try, generally, to be nice to everyone I meet. I don't like conflict. I didn't think I legitimately hated anyone. So I wished peace to a couple of people I maybe didn't like so much, like a woman in the neighborhood who always says mean things to people. Then this past May happened. To make a long story short, I discovered the church where I took my children (a Christian church), where I THOUGHT people were nice . . . really harbored some very, very not nice people. I saw nastiness the likes of which, honest to God, I had never seen before. To the point where I don't intend to ever enter a house of worship ever again, unless it's to see one of my kids get married or something like that. But what was really amazing to me, was one woman who said, "Just remember, the people I sit with in church hate you." I was like, Holy crap, I have an enemy and I didn't even know I had one.

So over the next few months, I pondered . . . and I've decided I still don't have enemies, because I guess you have to hate them BACK in order to really have an enemy.

BUT . . . my writing? Sometimes it feels like a battle. And sometimes, I really DO have enemies.

Case in point? Sit down to write . . . school calls. Child #3 has strep, come get her. Except she doesn't go to the neighborhood school, she goes to a magnet school and the whole thing is an hour round-trip.

Case in point? Sit down to write . . . now it's Son #1. And his magnet school is even farther.

TIME-SUCKING VORTEXES are my enemy.

Sometimes my writing enemy is of my own making. It's lack of focus or discipline or energy. Sometimes it's just easier to fiddle around with "research" than really pump words out.

Then there's laundry. That's always a nemesis. And now? God, I can hardly face the thought of Christmas. I am the sole shopper, wrapper, Christmas-card writer. Oh, and for everyone who expected a card in 2009, they never even got mailed. So don't feel bad. This year ain't shaping up much better either.

Like my Buddhist meditation, sometimes I think you have to make peace with the enemy. You just have to accept that sometimes . . . life gets in the way. And that is perfectly okay. Smile. Let life cut in line.

Other times, though, I guess you have to get all Ninja on its a**. Ruthlessly excising the enemy where possible. It's why you won't see me entering a church this holiday season . . . but you will see me lighting candles here at home--a safe place where I know all my "enemies," like laundry. I may even sing a few Christmas carols.

So how about you? What "enemies" does your writing have and how do you deal with them?