What I've Learned . . .
Once or twice a year, with a nod to Esquire, I write a "What I've Learned . . ." blog. Because if you're not learning new things, you might as well be dead. And because, frankly, life will sometimes come up to you with a two-by-four and beat the crap out of you and everything you THINK you've learned will be undone and you start from a whole new perspective. So without further introduction, this is what I've learned.
- That there is a reason children look so innocent and beautiful while they sleep. Because some days, that's the only thing keeping you from running away from home.
- That mastering the art of a perfect hard-boiled egg is a life skill every human should have.
- That the cruelest people I have ever encountered I met in the guise of a church, and that no cross, no Star of David, no temple, mosque, or cathedral will ever guarantee even the most basic of human kindnesses. So look for good people in all walks of life and in every disguise.
- That I no longer pray. But that gardening comes close.
- I love cheese. Even stinky cheese. I should live in France.
- My most prized possession is some weird cross-dressing chicken cookie jar with a sailor cap. It belonged to my grandmother. And that pretty much everything I value most is monetarily worth nothing.
- I will never master the art of a clean and tidy desk. I should stop trying. But I can't help aspiring to it.
- My least favorite household chore is emptying the dishwasher. So now I make my kids do it.
- My father is never going to be friends with my cat.
- Neither is my mother. But she will feed the dogs leftovers and they love her.
- I have fought Crohn's for most of my adult life, and this year has been brutal. I don't know where I get my fight from. Really. When I think I'm "done," somehow I am not.
- That the MINUTE I get the carpets cleaned, as I am writing the check to the carpet cleaning man, Pirate Boy will spill something.
- Same goes for painting the walls and scuff marks and crayon.
- I am comfortable in silence.
- Sounds I adore are Pirate Boy laughing, wind rustling the trees, and rain falling with the windows open so I hear the drops pelting the leaves and the roof.
- When I am in the hospital, after many days without food, and the nurses say, "You can try to eat now, so have your family bring your favorite comfort foods," I immediately think "warm sushi rice."
- That my biggest indulgence is sushi rice means the nursing staff thinks I'm strange. Apparently, most people think "McDonald's."
- That mastering the art of making my own sushi rice is more complicated than one might think. Apparently, using only wooden utensils and fanning the rice are part of it.
- I'm going through a poetry phase.
- Like all phases, who knows how long it will last.
- I think in words, and the nonstop dialogue keeps me up at night. I guess this makes me a writer. Or insane. Or both.
32 comments:
1. Nice!
2. tapioca pudding
3. Beckett: "I can't go on. I'll go on."
Love tapioca pudding. :-) I have also become a fan of bubble tea, which puts the tapioca in cold tea!!
Ahhh, Beckett. :-)
-that some things don't matter as much to me now as they used to and that's ok
-there are real differences between problems and inconveniences
-it's easier to write fiction you believe in
-"don't panic" should be engraved on the wall above my computer
-people sure do complain a lot about nothing
-shit happens... and happens ... and happens ... and you just need to roll with it and have faith that things will get better
That if you try to improve your weaknesses you may eventually become adequate, but if you improve on your strengths you may become awesome.
Analyzing how something went wrong can be useful, but at some point you just have to stop and move on.
If you're unhappy, you have to change, because expecting anything else to change just makes your head hurt from whacking it repeatedly against hard surfaces.
It will take a lot more to damage my kids than crappy dinners, a messy house, and leaving them at home every now and then.
Tell the Universe what you want.
Mark:
I love all of yours. :-)
KathArine:
I love your last two. I struggle with my excessive failures as a mother.
And your second one, too. I recently (couple of months ago) had someone I expected a great deal more of do something awful to someone I love. I was stunned, and I ruminated over and over and over and OVER this. Until I finally realized I needed to cut ties with this person and just move on. That I would never know her motivations.
I love what you've learned, Erica. It is a list soaked with acceptance (different than tolerance) and knowing what is important, and it is wonderful.
I'm learning things about ruining good stuff with worry, and being present, and I think I am about to learn a lot about having a thicker skin. :)
I hope you are well.
xo
Thanks, JA. I know deep down worry helps nothing, but I still do it too.
xoxoxo
I too think in words. I can be puzzled about something until I write about it, and then I understand.
I was raised on the grounds of a state mental hospital. That taught me the powerful truth of your comment--"...look for good people in all walks of life and in every disguise."
Oh, You, I love this post, especially gardening comes close and sushi rice. I've learned that I love the color green most of all. Green is so reliable and present. Sometimes I get distracted by sexier colors. I've realized that I love green.
Joe:
The person who damaged my faith almost beyond repair wore a collar. His lies knew no bounds. I refuse now to be bound by any tenets, any anything. I just look for good where it is . . . in the humblest surroundings, quite often.
bufflehead:
Green is my favorite color, too. :-)
Love you,
E
That the only thing i am sure of is that everything i thought i knew about the world, man and myself is completely and totally incorrect-and that i still have to keep going on.
That friends are your support system - pick the ones who'll pick to support you and then hold them close.
That when you pick the right man, there are still times that suck - but there are moments of pure joy. Its all a balance.
That its worth it- no matter what your it is ... if itmeans that much to you, get off your scaredy butt and do what you got to... you might fail, but you might not.
That the only thing i am sure of is that everything i thought i knew about the world, man and myself is completely and totally incorrect-and that i still have to keep going on.
That friends are your support system - pick the ones who'll pick to support you and then hold them close.
That when you pick the right man, there are still times that suck - but there are moments of pure joy. Its all a balance.
That its worth it- no matter what your it is ... if itmeans that much to you, get off your scaredy butt and do what you got to... you might fail, but you might not.
I've learned
-That shedding the negative people from my life has felt better than I ever could have imagined
-That after sending hundreds of resumes with no results, a chance meeting at a happy hour will lead to a job for my husband
-That just because life didn't go the way I planned, doesn't mean that it will be bad
-That I don't want to fit in
-That it's fun to have purple hair
-That Erica and I also have sushi rice, stinky cheese and messy desks in common :)
The most important thing I've learned lately is that my past doesn't govern my future.
I love cheese. Even stinky cheese. I should live in France.
You SHOULD live in France!
Barbara ...
All good ones. I especially love the first one. The last three years undid pretty much everything I knew about the world and people. It was the most astonishing thing . . . and because of it, then it taught me new things about myself. That's pretty much what I meant, in the blog, about the world beating the crap out of you with a two-by-four. But then the end result . . . I think is somehow worth it. I like the place I am in now. Though preferably without being so God-awful sick.
Nadine:
When I was in the hospital last year, one of my best friends came to see me and we had a conversation about "crossing the street." It's a metaphor for knowing when to continue on with some people in our lives and when to just cross the street to the other side and be done with them. I have crossed the street a lot these last couple of years and the result is I breathe easier.
Stephen:
That is something we should remember well into old age.
FF:
LOL! It would be lovely, indeed. My younger daughter wants to go. If my health turns around, you never know. :-)
or Madrid!
I hate gardening. But I have found that I am much closer to God on a soccer field on Sunday morning than I ever would be in a "place of worship."
I've also learned that the Apple store is not actually a store but a "place of worship."
And that teaching your son to drive a stick is more nerve wracking for him than for you. Keeping your eyes closed does not help. Neither does him keeping his closed.
Listening to high school Robotics Club meetings can be surprisingly amusing. I am scared to admit how reminiscent it is of my own high school days.
So many other things, when I start thinking about it.
Michael:
Madrid! Yes. The siestas!
Peter:
OMG, I loved yours. Laughed out loud.
:-)
This is really late in blog time, but probably right on time in universe time...
1. I've learned that when I go through things that bring life lessons, have epiphanies, and so forth, it's better for me to process these things silently instead of orally. When I blather on and on about them, when I'm through, they are gone; when kept in silence, they change me, but stay in my soul to be harvested in later writing.
2. I have a choice in what I remember. I am choosing to remember the love I've received in my life instead of the wounds, calling it home whenever I need it or simply want it. Once the lessons from the suffering have been gleaned, the treasures are the bits of love, however small or large, that were also present at the time. Love trumps evil - always - and I can choose to which memories on which I focus my life.
There's probably lots more,but these were on my mind today. I hope you are doing okay. You're on my mind everyday and I send prayers and blessings of peace and health your way. xxx
I have learned that when I fall into another dark place at 2:40 a.m, I come here for comfort.
I have learned that while pretending to be fine and being fine are probably two very different things, that they look an awful lot alike, and that there is a lot of power in faking it until you make it.
That just when I am ready to throw in the towel, the universe provides, but in a way totally different from how I asked.
That I do better at the surviving than the living. And that I probably need to work on that.
I love the quiet wisdom that Being Beth gives out above.
I am thinking of you, and praying that you are better.
I personally find that having the kitchen ceiling fan cranked up on high helps to fan sushi rice better than any of those of us who can't pat head and rub tummy ever could.
I know what you mean about gardening.
And coffee.
J. V. Kova
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