The Towel
A regular reader of this blog asked me if all writers wonder if they should quit. Just give it up, hang up their hat, or in the boxing adage, throw in their towel.
A few thoughts . . .
I used to think that being published represented the Holy Grail of writing. Now I realize that if you are driven as a writer, there is always "the next book." I used to think that if I ever got in a national magazine, like Cosmopolitan, a mention in a publication like US Weekly, that I would faint. That that was my new Holy Grail. But then that happened . . . and somehow, there was another goal. No matter where you are on the food chain, there is always something you want as a writer. Some angst. So just because someone is published, or unpublished . . . doesn't matter . . . in a sense, probably every writer wonders at some point or another, if this insane passion is worth the rejection, the waking up at dawn to write, the loneliness, whatever. About two months ago, when I was just down and tired and worried about people in my life, and driving 8 hours for a funeral and all the rest of it, I thought I would just chuck my career and go back to bartending. I just wanted to sling drinks and take a break. But I didn't.
Why?
As I tell kids in elementary school when I go to talk to classes about writing, being a writer isn't something you "become." It's something you ARE. There's no test to certify you as a writer. And those things like being published . . . even they aren't enough to "prove" you have talent. There are awards, like the Pulitzer . . . but there aren't enough of those to go around.
But being a writer is something you are. If tomorrow I said, "I am never going to write another word," I am convinced I would be certifiable in a week or two. It's not that I can't take a break from writing . . . I can. But what would I do with all this stuff in my head? All the characters? The snippets of dialogue? The great opening lines.
My first instinct was to look at the corpse.
I love that first line to The Roofer. What would I have done with that line if I didn't have a book to put it in?
I think the cure for wondering if you should throw in the towel is to delve yourself in craft, in the pure joy of making stuff up, in your world.
I don't know . . . that's my take. Anyone else?
12 comments:
I constantly wonder if I should just "give up"... but I can't not write. Not writing for me is worse that trying to give up coffee... grouchy, mean, unreasonable. I get so bad sometimes my wife sends me to the computer and tells me just to make notes for a story or something just so that I will stop being so ornery.
I would guess that puts me in the category of being a writer :)
It may be that I never get published... but I'm coming to a place in my life and my writing where that is not a tragedy. But I am not making that the goal of my life either.
Where I want to be is at the top of my craft, writing my stories in my voice.
I'd be very surprised if every writer, at some point or another, had not thought of giving it up.
I remember reading a bit of advice somewhere that said something like, "If you can stop writing--do so. If not, God help you, you're a writer."
I've never been able to give it up. Even when I tried, I'd catch myself scribbling ideas on post-its, newspapers, napkins. I'd hear something on the news and my first thought would be, 'damn, that would make a great story'. And if I still refused, they'd manifest in my dreams--complete with plots, characters, and dialogue.
Can't give it up. It won't give up on me.
I haven't "written" in three weeks, and I have no time to write for another week and a half. I feel alternatively itchy, panicky, and nervous.
But I have been weirdly obsessed with writing haikus at night. And I've jotted several scenes down in my journal. I still feel weird, like my identity of being a writer is going to be stripped from me, unless I get a good writing session in soon.
But you know that bird story? Something about setting it free, and if it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. If it does, it's yours forever. I think the same holds true with writing. If you take a break, and you get back to it ...
ewoh:
LOL on your wife telling you to make notes . . . :-) You're hooked, my man. You're hooked.
E
raine:
I had heard that example, too. And yes, I think it's totally, totally true and something all writers relate to--if you can't stop . . . then suck it up and accept . . . you're a writer.
E
spy:
I love the analogy to the "set something free" story.
And even though you haven't had writing time--you're still there working on stuff in your notebook, your head, your haikus.
E
Recently I was caught up in the I-have-to-publish scenario. AND in the process, I lost the passion within and for what I was writing.
I've taken a break for a few days. No reading fiction, no writing fiction...and I feel as if a part of me is missing.
Now, it's time for me to come home.
Thanks for the clarity!
kathy:
Come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
E
What a great post, Erica.
I'm with ewoh, I've known for a long time that I can't not write.
And I've been doing it way too long to quit now.
I've never thought of throwing in the towel... however I sometimes wish that I wanted to do something else. As in... Gee, why couldn't my passion have been accounting? Life would be so much simpler...
SpyScribbler, you know I love hearing that you're a closet poet. Haha. That's one of the fabulous things about poetry... when you need a little mind break or don't have a lot of time, you can write this really satisfying little story in one sitting. Sometimes it's nice to have writing projects that don't take months to complete.
Hi Open Channel:
I have also sometimes wished I liked doing something else. But . . . this is what I do. What I am. :-)
E
I did quit writing for a few years, but I had to come back. I was creating cartoons and writing greeting card verses. They kind of fed my need to write, but not enough. It was like being on a bad diet for three years, lol.
edie:
LOL! What a great analogy.
E
P.S. But writing greeting cards does sound like fun.
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