Dr. Orloff
The flag is a show of solidarity for the
protesters today. Think peace.
And onto the post.
Writer's block is, I suppose, an occupational hazard for a novelist. I've never gotten writer's block (knock wood). But I have had days when I sat down to write and just felt . . . uninspired. Unlike some writers, I usually just knock off for the day. I am firmly convinced a real writers' block comes from pressuring yourself until your brain explodes. Okay, so that doesn't entirely sound medical. But . . . that's what Dr. Orloff says today. Your brain could explode.
Moving on in my exploration of the writer's health, there are other persistent writing conditions. Anyone else get a twitch in their eye? My right one (yes, the one that got smashed when I fell) . . . is persistently unhappy today. A little twitch from tiredness and reading and writing too many words. I've gotten twitches for years. I just read too much for my own good. Dr. Orloff has no prescription for that because she knows . . . reading IS my medicine, so suck it up.
Carpal tunnel anyone? I get that a tiny bit. Not too much. Tight neck? Oh, I get that.
Numb butt. Sure. There's a whole syndrome, you know. Writer's Ass. Numb . . . and spreading from sitting too much and exercising too little.
I get heartburn from too much coffee. Dr. Orloff had recommended giving it up for green tea. I successfully did for a year. Then my dad came at Christmas, was hospitalized. Daughter was sick. I had deadlines. I went back to coffee and haven't yet bitten the bullet and given it up. I know what awaits me. Headaches. My eyelashes even hurt last time I gave it up. Frankly, I can't deal with hurting eyelashes right now.
I've been known to fall asleep sitting up when I'm writing late at night. That can't be good. Dr. Orloff says get up to bed and have a restful night's sleep. Oh, and send Demon Baby to boarding school so that's possible. Thus, Dr. Orloff knows . . . it is what it is.
Eating? Bowls of rice at my desk, but I honestly should STOP and take a walk, and eat a peaceful meal. Mindfully.
There's no hazard pay for writers. But maybe there should be.
So . . . any of these writing conditions? Tell Dr. Orloff.
23 comments:
Erica,
Let's see...my wrists quit hurting when I got me one of them thar ergonometric keyboards...smartest move I ever made.
My eyes...now those start to itch when I've been at it too long. Then I rub...then they itch more. Before I know it, I can't see effectively. Dumb Ass!
I do get exercise. My bowflex, stair climber and weights are seven feet from my desk. So every now and then I get up and get the blood flowing. I don't have an excuse not to exercise.
I do get Writer's Ass...but cured, at least temorarily, by the above.
;)
Hi JLK:
Excellent. I prescribe resting the eyes. Perhaps little cucumber slices over them like at a spa. A big tough guy like you won't have a problem with that, right? ;-)
E
Dear Dr. Orloff:
Sometimes when I'm writing I get the urge to turn the computer off, gulp down alarming quantities of Chateauneuf du Pape, and listen to rock-and-roll music at eardrum-bursting volume.
How do you suggest I cure myself of this affliction?
Signed,
Drunk and Deaf in Germany
Dear Drunk and Deaf:
I am a firm proponent of both rock and roll AND imbibing wine to cure what ails you. I think the key, D&D, is moderation. What concerns me is "alarming quantities" and "eardrum bursting." This suggests to me that you do not exercise moderation. I suggest you find the nearest Drunk and Deaf Writers Anonymous group and find a sponsor. Pronto.
The first step is admitting you are powerless, my dear fried.
Dr. O
Dear Dr. Orloff:
I have become so proficient at editing, I have gradually and painstakingly, over several months, deleted my entire manuscript.
I was wondering if you would like to consult Dr. Kevorkian on this matter.
Dear Jude:
Ahh, yes. A consult is called for. You've euthanized your life's work. Much as I support the idea of compassionate hospice . . . you've taken it too far.
Dr. O
Dear Dr. Orloff:
To release tension in my neck and jaw, I read somewhere I should hold a pencil between my teeth and it cues me to relax whenever I start chomping down on it. I also hoped this would cure me of mindlessly nibbling while I'm at the keyboard.
Alas, I have eaten an entire box of HB/2's this week alone.
They're not made of lead anymore, are they?
Lainey:
Yes, pencils are lead-free these days. However, I am still going to recommend you see a dentist immediately. And if that checks out OK, then perhaps my friend, Dr. Freud. I think you are suffering from the delusion that you are a beaver.
Dr. O
Dr. Orloff,
Thanks for hanging the sign out today. I have the numb butt days, and legs that go to sleep, and needle-sting when I stand. I eat at my desk too and realize, after reading your alternative, it might just work for me too. I get the neck and shoulder pain, but then it comes with the territory. I no longer fall asleep at my desk like I used to, cause I get soggy brain if I linger too long, so I spare myself. I have a stepper I look at, and probably should step-on once in awhile. If I lived closer, I could chase Demon Baby for you and it'd be more fun, and probably work much faster. Thanks for the health reminders, and I look forward to our next appointment!
Here's another one: Insomnia caused by a brain that simply refuses to shut up. It wants to continue plotting and hosting discussions between my characters rather than letting me sleep.
Dr. Orloff,
So that's what cucumbers are for! I always knew they weren't to eat!
I have a 15th Century "joke" recipe for cucumbers somewhere. Goes through all the details of washing, slicing and spicing. Final line says, "And promptly discard."
;)
ladonna:
Ohh . . . needle-stinging legs. Yes. Familiar with them.
Same cure as Writer's Ass.
And you are welcome to try Competitive Demon Chasing. It's a very difficult sport, though. You might want to find a Personal Demon Trainer.
Dr. O
Booklady:
Please refer to Stephen's post. I suggest imbibing before bed. If that fails, there's always Ambien.
Dr. O
JLK:
Good one.
A joke a day keeps the doctor away.
Dr. O
Oh my gosh I am going to sound like such a hypochondriac! But I get such bad twitches in my eyes that random men think I'm trying to pick me up. But it is worse when the twitch is internal and I can feel it but no one can see it. Then I feel demented.
I have such bad carpal tunnel sometimes that my hands stay shaped in clawlike states. Real pretty. real painful.
My lower back - unfortunately from a total of 3 different car accidents. My lower back is not great.
My butt is always numb.
My feet get that falling asleep sensation way too often.
Heartburn comes with the reflux and the ulcers I got from practicing law and still stays.
I think I'll stop now. I feel terrible! ;o)
Ello:
I have been in two car accidents--one was bad and wrecked my back (a guy speeding on a rainy night plowed into my car as I sat parked at a light). I feel your pain, I really do. Back injuries can wreak so much havoc everywhere in your body.
And I will remember, if we ever meet, you have a twitch . . . you're not making a pass at me.
:-)
E
Writer's Ass doesn't bother me, because I'd had Piano Butt for years before that. :-)
We don't have a home; we have a studio. The only place to eat is at my studio desk.
And I'm with Jude. I am finished. (Okay, I'm doing one final rewrite of the last chapter tonight, and that's IT, I swear!) But I have unrelenting visions of printing it out and tearing it up page by page, of slashing it to bits and rewriting the whole thing, and of deleting it entirely and never thinking of it again.
You know, there was actually a time when I was not neurotic about my writing.
SPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welcome back to the blog world. :-)
E
Booklady:
In addition to Dr. Orloff's suggestions, you might want to try melatonin. It has been working for me.
Of course, there are minor side effects. I can set things on fire now just by concentrating real hard. But it's no big deal. Really.
Dear Dr. Orloff:
I am so glad the Doctor is in today! :)
Let's see...at the moment, I have Computer Eye, an eyestrain I get when I stare into a computer screen too long. Basically, my eyes keep tearing, I get a wicked headache inside my eyeballs (gross!) and my neck gets stiff. Usually it takes a few days away from the screen to get better, though I think I need a new pair of glasses b/c it's happening a lot these days.
I also have Writer's Dementia...a tragic condition caused by looming deadlines, lack of sleep, and delusions of grandeur/lowliness. Any suggestions or prescriptions are most welcome, though in my case I think my condition is incurable. :)
Have a healthy day!
MicheleL
hehehe it's just like real medicine. Inventing diseases around every symptom. :P
MicheleL:
I am sorry to delier the bad news to you that Writers' Dementia is always incurable.
Dr. O
Zoe:
You mean this stuff isn't real?
LOL.
E
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