Communicate
I became a novelist because I like to make stuff up. Not in real life, where I try never to lie. But in my fake life . . . I make up fake stuff. And I get paid to do it.
But the longer I am a grown-up, the more I realize what a real GIFT it is to be able to express yourself. When I watch people--people I love--struggle to communicate their needs to their spouses, or to express their pain or their sadness, or struggle with shyness and dating, or whatever it is . . . I am SO glad that this happened to be the gift I received.
My father always encouraged me as a writer. I don't know that he thought I would BE a writer, necessarily. But he said, "If you can write, if you can communicate, even in business that's a huge asset."
And he was right.
I'm no lawyer. But I can't even count all the times I have had to advocate for my children. Can't count. Can't quantify. And my kids are all gifted--and I have had to fight for them. Fight the occasional rotton-apple teacher (the year of the infamous Science Nazi, the year of the infamous Chemistry Lech). Fight to get them in the classes and programs that fit their gifts and needs. I often think to myself, "What about the children who have no advocate?" What about the people who CAN'T? Who don't speak English? Whose children have special needs? Who simply don't care and these children are lost?
I tend to take writing for granted. Communicating for granted. I assume I can intelligently debate people AND win at Scrabble. But really? It's a lucky thing, a gift, a free pass from the universe.
Only, I suppose, it's not a free pass. So when I choose to communicate, I try to make it for things that matter.
Thoughts? Do you ever stop thinking about your writing in the novel or short story or poetry form . . . and instead think about your ability to COMMUNICATE?
18 comments:
Sometimes I think about how much communication has changed in a relatively short time. Letter writing (personal letters on real paper through the postal system), for example, is practically a lost art. I kind of miss it.
Jude:
I communicated with my grandmother via letter for YEARS (she was virtually deaf--so phone was out of the question). I still have our letters . . . And I actually still write in longhand once in a while to a couple of friends who live far away.
E
even in business that's a huge asset
You bet. Just being able to write a decent memo will set you apart. Being able to write a persuasive proposal will get you anywhere you want to go.
What about the people who CAN'T? Who don't speak English?
I used to be the equivalent. You can't begin to imagine how frustrating it is. You want to make a loyal friend? Take an immigrant to a medical appointment. Or an auto mechanic. Or to get a telephone installed. Anything technical. They'll think they've found the nicest person in the whole damn country. And maybe they have.
Stephen:
I spent several years as a volunteer ESL teacher for Vietnamese immigrants. At one point, I helped the matriarch open a bank account. Trying to explain that was . . . it took hours. "You depoit your paper paycheck into this building--the bank--and your money is actually there, even though you can't see it."
E
Speaking of lawyers, after years as their slave it helped hone my writing skills because many of them are horrendous writers.
I concur with Jude. Technology has removed letter writing as an art form. Remember receiving love letters in the mail? The stamp placed upside down sending a secret message? Damn, I miss that! Okay, so it was years ago, but still...
Think I'll send someone a letter the old fashioned way...
I think about it all the time, actually. Being the secretary of the local school's band boosters has driven it home, where I'm regularly complimented on how readable and humorous my e-mails are. Readable, okay, but I don't get the humorous part, although I suppose it's just the tone I set with them. But apparently the former people doing this job did a horrendous job at it.
At the same time, my wife became the prez of the boosters and then got herself (and as a result, me) all tangled up in various fundraisers and I've helped her with re-doing a lot of business letters and promotional things that were done before and again, we've had businesses specifically say, Oh, your letters are so much more professional, etc. And although they don't quite say it, "didn't piss me off or offend me," which I can get when I read some of the previous letters that went out to local businesses.
So although I take it for granted, apparently it's a gift, one I've honed over a very long apprenticeship.
Kath:
I know. Jude's comment inspired the same thought for me, too.
E
Mark:
My Christmas letters get comments all time-- "Yours is the only one I look forward to because it's hilarious instead of non-stop bragging." I think humor in letter writing and newsletters goes a long way.
E
I think about communicating all the time. Every word. To me that is totally the point of making up stories or writing an email or business letter or writing a website user manual.
But it's not easy, no-o, and I consider it less a gift than a skill since I've worked so hard. :)
I'm going to sound snotty here, but I did love when Nathan Bransford said something in to people whinging on about writing query letters, paraphrased: "Are you a writer or not? Do you have command of your language or not?"
Starbucks:
I hear you . . . I have never had much of a problem with synopses or queries. But I get why people do. However . . . you just have to suck it up and practice.
E
This is interesting. I've always been good at communicating with other (interpersonal skills anyone?) but I've never looked at it in terms of me as a writer. I've often joked I can talk my way out of pretty much anything and while I don't like to lie, I'm convincing when I need to be.
This is partly why I get so frustrated trying to talk in Spanish. It's the inability to properly express myself that drives me bonkers.
Also, my major was mass communications, so you could say I know a thing or two about this topic.
I can communicate on paper but not well with words. My best friend says it is so funny to read me put together coherent sentences on my blog. In real life, I'm lucky if I can string two sentences together, LOL.
I've had quite a few parents who lie. It's just insulting. What are you supposed to do? Sit there and act like you're too stupid to notice? Or bother with a confrontation? I'm for the confrontation route, unless they're leaving you begging for them to pay their bill. *sigh*
Melanie:
To me, my communication has always been around writing. I think my verbal communication followed suit only with time. And shedding my first husband.
E
Natalie:
I've gotten better at calling people on their bullsh*t. As long as I do it with honesty and compassion, I find the words.
E
This is interesting, because I think that while you can label verbal skills as "Communication," they're still different. It's much easier for me to write than to have a real-time conversation. This post will have me thinking for a while--wonder how to carryover these skills...
Chris:
Interesting. I agree. I hadn't through about it, but yes . . . two different beasts. I am a much better communicator with writing. But I still think it carries over. If I am passionate, for example, about politics or religion or a cause, I find that the words in a debate generally come to me, and I am sure it's a result of expressing myself through writing over the years.
E
Oh, man - my dad used to tell me to major in math. His theory, is that if you train your brain to do math, then you hone your skills as an analytic thinker and can do anything. Your dad inadvertently created my dad's perfect daughter. A funny, articulate successful writer who loves math and physics.
I'm never telling him about your blog. Ever.
Robin:
LOL! We'll keep it between us. ;-)
E
Post a Comment