Maybe the Universe . . .
. . . knows what it's doing.
After catching the stomach flu from my kids, I am now nudging more and more out of remission with Crohn's disease. Today was not a good morning in that it hurts to breathe (abdomen is so sore), and my joints hurt. Unfortunately, the joints of my FINGERS hurt. In case you don't realize this . . . I type for a living. Yes, I write. But I write using my HANDS. At a keyboard. My feet hurt in that I am hobbling today, but THAT I can live with. As a writer, I sit on my a** all day and don't NEED to walk except to chase Dynamo Boy on occasion. So you know . . . you learn to laugh.
But here's the thing . . . pain aside, I also realize that Crohn's disease was one of the nudges in my writing career. There was a time when there was no possibility of my going in to an office every day. So freelance writing and editing was ideal. I could rest when I needed. I could even work in bed. I remember editing a book on the Kentucky Derby while in a hospital bed, with ice packs on my legs, IV poles, and TPN. Editing was portable. Flexible! I could make my own schedule! And none of my clients needed to know I was sick. I loved that I could be perceived as not a patient. Just a person.
I consider myself an optimist. I've adapted to my disease. And I can also say that I pursued my career more passionately maybe because I couldn't work a conventional job. So you know . . . that Universe is tricky.
How about you? Can you look back and see things that pushed you toward writing?
29 comments:
Yes. The death of my father. My wife, in particular, feels that if my father hadn't died when he did I never would have gone full-time as a freelancer. It certainly gave me the extra kick in the ass, because I realized more completely how short and unpredictable life was. I was on my way as it was and the business was growing, but I probably did need some sort of crisis to convince me to make the leap.
Mark:
I had worked in offices as an editor . . . but the sicker I got the more I knew that some days it just was not going to happen. That I could work, but it would need to be a different kind of clock, with a nap built in, or early in the morning, not 9 to 5 with no place to really rest. I can't say I would ever WISH Crohn's disease on myself, or even that I am grateful for it. Wrong word. But I do see that it brought me to where I am.
Rather like looking on my father's death and somehow saying that my life is better because of it. That's not what I'm saying at all. But I wonder if I'd still be muddling along in a job I hated and writing on the side if I hadn't been shaken out of the rut I was in by something major. Some people probably can make major change without a crisis attached to it, but I wonder, really, how many business ventures and huge successes of one sort or another haven't been born out of a crisis, failure, death, getting fired, laid-off, etc.
Mark:
I am sure a lot. Pain brings opportunity for change sometimes. I learned I was a lot braver or stronger than I thought I was by being sick. I learned A LOT about myself. I feel like I possess some life wisdom earned the hard way.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So you're building up muscles every time you battle Crohn's.
Rowling said that the death of her mother depth charged her.
What drove me to write was a desire to be a hermit. Problem is, that's lonely. So I'm half in and half out. What keeps me writing is beyond me to analyze. Every time I think I know, I realize I don't.
Richmond:
My doctor says in his entire career, he has never met a Crohn's patient like me. I refuse to give it an inch. LOL!
Yes, I have seen Rowling talk about that. You can still "hear" the pain in her voice.
I started writing seriously in response to personal crisis too. Suddenly life seemed too fragile to not go after my dreams, and carve out my own life. I'll always be sadly grateful.
Oh, and I'm so sorry that you are in pain. So sorry.
Heather:
No dress rehearsals . . . one go-'round. I agree . . . follow dreams!
In a way, a part of this might apply to you. I've always felt I was born to write. It is the only thing I totally love doing. I don't love being published (I found that kind of a chore, though the people were nice). Though I do love being read, and how do you do that without being published some way or another?
A little aside--I often say a little prayer for you and the health struggles you face.
Erica, I'm so sorry that you have this struggle in your life.
Moving to Mexico was my push back into writing and it's one of the best things I take away from that experience.
I'm not really sure what drew me to writing because I've been doing it most of my life. I do think my first book became my surrogate child - the one I could never have. (Long story, planned for 3, got 2.)
But I've watched my husband out of work these past months and he's now pursuing a dream he's had for a long time. Really, there's no other option at the moment - no jobs. So I've noticed we've become a lot easier on each other and focused on pursuing what's important. I guess we can thank the shitty economy for that!
I do hope you feel better soon! I think I'm developing some arthritis in my right hand due to a shoulder/nerve issue and it causes me a lot of fear. So I totally get where you're coming from.
Joe:
I have always written so it's such a part of the fabric of my life, I don't know any other way to be.
E
P.S. Thanks for the prayers.
Melanie:
:-) And I "met" you through your wonderful blog.
Starbucks:
The finger thing is pretty new. It was always my legs. So . . . major suckage. But . . . you know, it's not gonna win, so it needs to just go away.
:-)
Interestingly, John Scalzi is dealing with questions from people & for some unknown reason somebody asked him if he'd ever dealt with depression. He notes 2 times, and then refers to a post he wrote a year or so ago, which completely ties in to today's discussion here. So here's the link:
http://whatever.scalzi.com/2008/03/10/ten-years-ago-today/
Yes. Definitely. I generally have to be shoved by the universe, LOL. Had it not been for illness, I'd be coaching opera singers right now. I don't know that writing is better, but I do love the mobile lifestyle. I'm glad it pushed me into teaching. I learned so much. I'm glad it also pushed me out of teaching, LOL.
I enjoy writing, as a whole, if you even out the ups and downs. So it's cool.
Really, now that Crohn's Disease has served its purpose in your life, I think it's time for it to LEAVE.
Mark:
Thanks for that! What a terrific post. :-)
Sorry to hear about the Crohns coming back. It really sucks and there isn't much to do but just get along with what you are up to.
I started writing as a kid because I wasn't really good at much else. I couldn't draw or paint or sculpt worth a damn. I'm not terribly good at playing musical instruments. I suck at sports... not very coordinated. But I have always been good at reading and making up stories. So I gravitated to writing naturally.
I didn't start writing seriously until I was in college, and novels didn't come until a friend bullied me into NaNoWriMo.
I don't know what it will take to finish and edit one of these damn novels, but I think it will take some kick-in-the-ass to get there :)
Hi Erica...phew,I can definitely empathise with pain, although each disease and illness has its own hallmark. Two years ago I suffered from 2 herniated disks on my lower spine and was paralysed on the whole right side of my body-my nerves on this side were trapped in several places and I had other complications. I couldn't eat, wash or even go to the toilet on my own... That's when I started again to do the thing that I'm good at; daydream and create imaginary worlds and better places. I started to write seriously again because although I'm much better I have relapses and terrible pain pretty often. I can write lying down in bed and it gives me such a feeling of autonomy and self worth; I'm not just a burden on everyone.
I really empathise with you. At least when I'm in one of my bedridden phases I can use my hands.
Maybe the only positive thing is that damned pain just makes you as strong as nails! Good for you Erica.. A superb post. Thank you.
Erica, so sorry! I hope you are feeling much better soon!
For me, the big push into writing was the worst office politics I've ever encountered in my life. I would come home from work everyday crying and my husband encouraged me to quit and pursue my dream.
So sorry to hear about your struggles with Crohn's Disease. Hope you feel better soon. I bought your book Spanish Disco today... Enjoying it immensely, well done. :)
Natasha:
Most definitely it needs to go! :-)
Ewoh:
Consider yourself kicked. ;-)
Hi Ann Marie (my new FB friend!)
It is, in that way, such a gift to write--it is something I can do nearly anywhere (even in my head without paper or computer) . . . even when I am sick. About the only thing I can't "write through" is worry/anxiety. That seems to take over once in a while.
E
Nadine:
I had a freelance client I did some corporate writing for. I really enjoyed it, until a new woman came to head communications. I have never--in my entire life--witnessed such a vile human being in action in an office. It was like . . . you couldn't MAKE UP what this woman was like. Fortunately, I no longer work for them . . . and as a freelancer, that freedom is a blessing (even if the uneven checks are not so fun sometimes).
E
BLD: Cool! That was my very first book.
:-)
:( I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
I think staying at home with so many children and home schooling them has pushed me more into it. I have no baby-sitter's. None. My mom on occasion can drive 45 minutes to watch the kids, that's it. I guess the Universe knew that if I couldn't have adult conversation in my life then I'd start creating some in my head. lol But mostly it's the fact that I have to find what I want to do with my life. One day the kids will be gone, and I don't want to be standing around wondering what the heck to do.
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