Demon Baby Speaks!
Look . . . I took my shoes and shoved them in the toilet, then flushed. My mother has the plumber on speed dial . . . I think they may be having an affair. Come to think of it? I wrote with pink marker ALL over the upstairs landing. And the CARPET CLEANING GUY is on her speed dial. In fact, they tell me I'm Mexican-American, but I think I have an uncanny resemblance to the carpet guy. Well, except for my eyes. I've got the Spanish Eyes thing. And ladies, I use them to my full advantage. And I've got LONG lashes.
Anyway, Mommy is really indisposed right now, what with the plumbing situation. And the fact that I took her rings--the good ones? the ones she THINKS she hides in her jewelry box--and I decided they would be precisely the projectiles to send down the air vents from the second floor to the first. They make a LOT of noise clanging in the vents. Oh, and I tried to release my brother's python. All by eight a.m. You have to wake up PRETTY EARLY in the morning to outwit me.
But . . . seriously, Mom is blogging over at PLOT MONKEYS today. Frankly, I find that FRIGGIN' HILARIOUS, as she thinks I'M a monkey. Yeah, lady . . . who's the monkey today?
Signed,
Demon Baby
19 comments:
ROFL Demon Baby is a riot. At least he keeps you from being alone during the day, with all those repairmen traipsing through your house.
He does have eyes like Antonio Banderas. What a cutie.
Every demon baby is a gentleman in the making. He's getting things out of his system. One day you'll cry as he drives off to college.
Hi Edie:
Yes, he can be a charmer if he wants to be.
E
Stephen:
I expect him to one day lead a revolution. Or go to Mars. Or do something equally brave and amazing. He just seems to have a fire in him.
E
Sounds like you really could use a good dose of demon-proofing in your house... may make it unlivable but it would be safe :)
Have you considered baby straight-jackets?
you could just ship him out here to CA for some re-training :)
Oh joy! That was heeeeeelarious! As I sit hear nursing my aching ear (thinking ear infection), this absolutely made me laugh out loud! What a cutie! In a few years he will be beating the girls off with a stick, but in the meantime, it is his mission in life to drive Mommy crazy instead. This was such a great story! Plus, you will probably be embarassing him with this story when he is older for years and years of great laughs!
Oh boy. Erica, I'll will contiue to pray for you. In fact, I'll light a candle ... or ten.
Mary
Have you thought about having an exorcist on speed dial?
ewoh:
His flight lands in California tomorrow.
:-)
E
ello:
MANY embarassing stories saved up. It will be my revenge.
E
Mary:
Gracias, my friend.
E
Jude:
The exorcist is speed dial number 666.
E
Jude:
The exorcist is speed dial number 666.
E
After that shower curtain incident the other day, I found a Father Guido in the yellow pages. Turns out he wasn't licensed and insured...
Jude:
No! You need Father Damian.
E
Hello. Damien's a union man. The Exorcist's Guild is on strike right now...
;)
Okay, Precious, you really need to give mommy a break. Just until she can hear herself think again. Why don't ya try it for a day or two, and if it doesn't work you'll at least know you gave it the Demon Baby RAH! You're too cute to have mommy put a hobo stick over your shoulder, and send you packing. Besides, one day you'll be grown, and the Universe has a way of giving you what you put out. A Demon Baby Jr. could really come back to haunt. Food for fodder little man. On the other hand, your antics REALLY entertain us all. I see a sitcom with your name on it. At least tell mommy to put her jewelry in a safe...a strong one.
ladonna:
LOL!
And here's what I wonder: I was a rpoblem-free little one. Not too mischievious or anything, a turmoil-free adolescence, skipping the last year of high school to attend a university on scholarship. WHAT ON EARTH did I do to have this Demon wreak such havoc on my life. LOL! Yes, when payback comes for the Little Man, I fear the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
E
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