Courage
In one of those delightful bits of serendipity, a chance phone call with a client, who ended up becoming a friend and occasional Skype partner (we do Happy Hour long distance), and I discovered we both believe most of life can be explained through the analogy of the Wizard of Oz movie. The Yellow Brick Road, clicking our heels. It's the Zen of the Wizard of Oz.
And I was thinking lately about courage.
And the kinds of people who have it. And the kinds who don't.
In the last few months, I had the misfortune of possessing a front row ticket to moral cowardice, back stabbing, and gossip. Thank GOD in heaven I don't anymore. I suppose in the grand scheme of things, these events always occur--to us, to friends, to our children. Bullies in schools, bully bosses, and Desperate Housewives with scheming agendas. But I've always been a bit of a Pollyanna. I've always believed in people. I always believed if you did the best you could, the right thing, tried to be kind, things always worked out for the best. And come on now . . . at my age, I don't know that's not always the case? In one instance, it's someone with a strong personality who regales others with tales of "telling people off." As if that's a good thing. And maybe from a societal standard, AGGRESSIVE communicators (versus ASSERTIVE) are thought of as strong. I have heard that certain CEOs, Steve Jobs among them, are so blistering, verbally abusive, withering, etc., in the face of perceived errors or the slightest bit of perceived weakness, that they are truly terrifying. There are whole COMPANIES with toxic fear pulsing through them because the culture is this sort of extreme nastiness. I know the profile of Enron, post-collapse, all pointed to this sort of communication style. Abusive in nature, with backstabbing tossed in for extra fun.
And I know the people AROUND people like that tend to buy into it. Drink the Kool-Aid. Well, you can't be head of a zillion-dollar company without being like that. Can you? I'd like to think so (see, I really HAVEN'T given up being a Pollyanna). I mean, can't we talk about issues on TV without saying hateful things? The culture wars have reached hideous proportions. KIDS think it's okay to be nasty because their parents are . . . and let's not forget the talking head on x or y channel? Or better yet? The tweets of this politician or that one.
Now, this guy writes about someone with the skill set to save the world from terrorists. Trust me, you want this hero in your corner. Courage. REAL courage.
But I think there's quieter courage too. Maybe more important now than ever. The sort of people who quietly do what needs doing. In my wip, in the face of a world gone mad, two people choose to remain loving to each other, to nurse a friend, to love their dog, to just go on living. Sometimes, going on LIVING and (way more importantly) LOVING in the face of horrifying surroundings or events, is a fierce act of great courage. Anne Frank comes to mind.
And I don't think courage is the person who can yell the loudest . . . the talking heads on TV who scream about morality. Courage is not unkindness. Courage is not "anonymous" posts on various boards with ugly sentiments. Courage is overhearing a racist sentiment or a piece of ugly gossip, even if one is in a group and QUIETLY saying, "That's not right." It's sure as heck not getting in someone's face to defend your position. Courage is sometimes admitting you are NOT RIGHT. Wow . . . what a concept.
The courageous are teachers sometimes. Soldiers at other times. Firefighters. Mothers. I don't think (much as I adore my Yankees and NY Giants--and HELLO! FOOTBALL SEASON IS ALMOST HERE!) courage is much found on the field. Not in my definition of it. I don't think if you are paid $100 MILLION dollars and you win some game in crazy overtime that you are particularly "courageous." That's what you're paid to do. But I think sometimes, yes, showing up after a death in your family or a terrible event, and still playing the game? I give you that.
Full confession. I used to be the sort who would, by virtue of being articulate, "get into it" with other people. But my opinion of what is cowardice and what is grace has been reshaped over the last ten years. Now, I'm more like Lion. I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do, I do, I do. Hell, they're all around. But you do the right thing anyway. Just like Lion.
And one more thing . . . I like courageous main characters. Sometimes, they're like Derek Stillwater. Sometimes not. Sometimes they are moms trying to do the right thing. Sometimes they are middle-grade monsters going to a new school. Sometimes they have flashy careers and sometimes they just are making their way through the world. But courage is something I like seeing in novels I read. It's just not always the kind of courage the rest of the world thinks of first.
What is courage to you? And how does your main character embody it? Read any books with courageous characters lately? Seen any flying monkeys lately?
Namaste.
20 comments:
To me it's someone who'll step back and see a picture bigger than their own world. People hop on a viewpoint and defend it like it's a team sport. Last year, there was a big to-do when someone CHANGED HIS MIND! The horrors! He lost ALL respect! Spineless!
To me, he's the hero. (I don't remember the particulars or who, darnit.) Anyone who can keep listening, keep searching to understand all sides, and always be willing and courageous enough to change their mind are heroes to me.
Natasha:
Wow . . . I think people who listen and change their mind ARE courageous! In this culture, it takes a lot to say, "I was wrong."
I was recently told about someone who defended their position by vehemently trashing someone else's reputation. As if that makes someone "right." It's laughable to me.
COURAGEOUS PEOPLE NEVER STOP SEEKING.
Maybe that's my new motto!
Silly as this might sound, as a writer, courage is submitting my work. Whether it be to a publisher, contest or someone who cares enough to offer unvarnished edits, it takes guts to just put it out there.
In my wip the main character finds courage by facing the past, admitting that maybe he was wrong, and seeks reconciliation. In fact, even in real time I admire those who after hearing all sides can admit that, yeah, they're wrong. I have a close relative who always, ALWAYS argues that she's right. It's so unsettling to see such narrow-mindedness.
And the opposite end of the scale are the cowards - you know, those the likes of Rush Limbaugh who'll cut off a caller to his show if caller shows an opposing viewpoint. Seen the same thing at blogs regarding the entire self-pub debate. Cowards stoop to bashing those who aren't entirely on board.
Ugh. It's so sickening at times, isn't it?
Kath:
I didn't realize how courageous (if that's the right word) it was to publish a book until I did. It feels completely naked.
And I can't listen to shows like that--for either side--if they just a sneering, hate talk. I actually like Jon Stewart. You know what side he is on, but I don't feel he belittles . . . he DOES listen to the people from the other side who come on. Doesn't mean he gives them an inch--and man, you had better be prepared if you go on his show--but he is not disrespectful, I don't think.
Kath, it' takes a ton of courage to put yourself out there! It's not silly at all.
And... this is soooo perfect for my day. Courage is totally on my mind.
Trinidad is nearly at the end of his story. He is about to die to save his people. No one thinks his plan will work--much less his dying--he's lost everyone he loves (his priest, Castile) but he can't think of another option and he's following Christ's example the best he knows how.
And I envision him as courageous because he's more frightened than he's ever been in his whole life and yet he's still putting one foot in front of the other, heading to his doom. (You think Christ's stomach wasn't churning on his walk, hauling his cross?)
Yeah, it will go all horribly wrong. But somehow it'll come right in the end. I hope.
Starbucks:
I don't kid myself that in the US we haven't executed innocent men--like your Christ example, I cannot even imagine the Dead Man's walk. Truly.
And talk about dramatic. The climax of your book sounds amazing!
And one more thing . . . what you and Kath talk about putting your stuff out there, it is why no matter what I try to be a gracious critique partner.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
--Ambrose Redmoon
I think that pretty well describes Colt's attitude toward it.
Jude:
Love it! And agree with it 1,000%
Awesome!
But doesn't it feel wonderful to live Pollyanna? Yeah there are times when it hits the fan, but living life on a daily basis as if there's nothing to be afraid of, nothing hateful in the immediate vicinity is the best.
Courage? I have trouble with that one sometimes. Is it courageous to risk your life? Always? Or are there times when the better part of valor is making a tough decision and not risking your life?
And then there's the daily courage - standing up for what's right, trying to do what's right even if it's unpopular or inconvenient.
I've worked on some projects where yelling was mainstream. If it was limited to a select few, I avoided them. Even opted out of a mandatory daily meeting that was a first thing in the morning yelling meeting. And I let the ones in charge (who were not yellers) know why.
My WIPs always reflect my life in some way, shape or form. My characters reflect the lessons I've learned and am still learning.
Sarah:
You raise compelling questions. I mean, sure Ghandi is a model of nonviolence. The Dalai Lama. I don't think walking away is cowardice.
I often think of my Russian family/ancestors . . . some sent to Siberia, some came to America, some went underground and fought in the resistance. Each made choices--and then there were the MANY whose choices were taken from them by execution. I would like to think I would be a resistance fighter like my uncle. But I have children. Is the MORE courageous choice to survive so they live and go on as a symbol of life over tyranny? I don't know.
And no, I would not trade being the way I am. I have found myself a bit jaundiced and cynnical about people of late . . . and I am confident I will never again join a house of worship. But no, I don't want to stop believing in people.
Courage is not shooting yourself in the foot with the second arrow.
You know the Buddhist story (there are many variations) about how the first arrow hurts and is inevitable. When we face anger, grief, etc., we have to face it. And we have to suffer. Denial never works.
But we don't have to shoot ourselves with the second arrow, to relive it again and again, to live in past hurts or project future hurts. We need to live in the present moment with its own struggles and blessings.
For me, that approach to life is courageous. It is the only way to live successfully. And I'm probably like many people. I have to be focused and attentive to do it.
Without his really knowing it, my fictional character Roy Rogers lives that way.
Joe:
Oh, I love that bit of wisdom. Sometimes, it takes consciously stopping the "tapes" of bad moments that play over and over.
Sex Scenes, I hope to see your Trinidad in print at a bookstore soon!
As I get older, I'm more thoughtful and less likely to blow up or find fault. I was surprised when my mother was ill, and I ended up being the patient one and spending time with her while my slower-paced sister fell apart.
My husband inherently does what's right. He once stopped the car in the middle of rush hour traffic to pick up a snapping turtle trying to cross a four-lane highway. He picked it up and carried it to the field on the other side.
Courage to me is this quote:
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
(sorry, I don't know who said it)
Ooh I love Nadine's quote (you should have emailed THAT to me, lol).
I'm a Pollyanna too, but I've become more cynical with time. I think courageous people are those who stay firm to their morals and beliefs, no matter what. Sometimes that's easier said than done.
Edie:
Me, too. With age comes wisdom. Sometimes. LOL!
Nadine:
OOOOOOOOOOH, LOVE THAT!
Melanie:
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I missed this post -- but I'll tell you that I think courage is doing what's right but unpopular. Courage is sometimes believing in yourself when you really doubt yourself. I think that's my main character's strength. At least I hope so.
For me? Courage was loading up the car and moving my son to college 4 hours away.
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