Five Things I Learned About Writing and Life from My Oldest Daughter

Oldest Daughter turns 20 today. Which now means I have one adult child in college, one in the middle of high school, one in middle school . . . and one just starting kindergarten. It also means I am insane, but that's a conversation for another day.

My daughter is a classical violinist. When she was three, she saw a classical violinist on PBS and said, "That's what I'm going to do with my life." After her incessant clamoring for a violin for over a year, I got her one that was 1/32 the size of a regular violin, found a university with a young strings program, and she was on her way.

Since I knew nothing about music/classical music, or the violin, this has been a life lesson for me to. So on the occasion of her birthday, I thought of some of the lessons she has taught me because of music--and often how they apply to writing. And life.

1. Listen to your heart's desire. NOTHING was going to deter her, at four and five, from pursuing music. Not even her mother. She innately knew she was called to this instrument. Most of us, at some point or another, want to throw in the towel about writing. But chances are? You can't. You're a writer. It's in your heart, blood, brain . . . it's who you are.
2. Listen to yourself. One time, when she was 5, she refused to play her violin right after her teacher tuned it. "My G-string is flat." "I just tuned it . . . it's fine," said her teacher. "It hurts my ears. Please tune it again." She refused (STUBBORN!) to play. Her teacher took the violin, played the string and said, "She's right . . . it's out of tune." Most of us, in writing, have an inner voice that knows when we are correct about a scene . . . or sentence. Or alternatively, when we are out of tune. And if you haven't developed your "ear" yet, give it time.
3. Find a good teacher. Despite knowing a flat G-string at 5, she needed teachers. My family has criss-crossed the East Coast to summer camps, lessons. At times, when money was tight, we gave up haircuts (me), a decent car (her stepfather), and fancy vacations (pretty much never--for all of us) for violin teachers and lessons. But they are the reason she progressed. Same with writing. Find a mentor, a crit partner, a beta reader, a good editor. Your writing will thank you for it.
4. Listen to all kinds of music. She loves classical, but she listens to rap, rock, alternative, even pop. Writers should read everything they can get their hands on . . . all kinds of different authors. Different genres. We all have the kinds of books we love, but it really only helps your craft to occasionally check out things outside your reading comfort zone. See what's out there, what's popular, why it is popular. People love to malign certain very popular authors . . . but they do some things well. Maybe it's the storytelling. The rhythm of their writing. If you really hate a certain genre . . . why?
   
5. Keep at it. She went through a two-year period in high school when I thought she was going to quit. I can remember one fight between us . . . and I picked up her violin and said, "If you aren't ever going to practice, we should sell this violin and get you a cheaper one, since it doesn't matter as much." She got really, REALLY upset and said, "Just you touching my violin makes me nauseous. Put it down now." I did. I realized then she wasn't REALLY going to quit, that the violin was an extension of her. That . . . she would return to it. And she did. To play the violin reasonably well, you need years and years of practice. Writing is the same. I estimate a million words until you really know what the hell you are doing.

So happy birthday to my oldest baby.

Thoughts on writing and life?