On Bullies

This blog is mostly about writing, but once in a while, because I process my world as a writer, something happens and it bleeds into the blog. This is one of THOSE posts. If you want a writing post, come back tomorrow.

My heart breaks for the recent headlines of gay teens committing suicide, often after being bullied or tormented because of their sexual orientation. As a middle-grade author/YA author, I speak at schools a lot--elementary all the way through high school. If they get nothing else from my visit or my books but the concept that they are each wonderful and special, that's fine with me. I try to validate young people in everything from my books to my interactions with them, but I will also say I hold a special spot in my heart for the kids I can tell are different, whether that's because they are autistic or because they are painfully shy, or gay, or they stick out in some way, or they clearly struggle with English as a new immigrant. Whatever it is.

It's no secret that my world is full of gay people. I probably have more gay than straight friends, and ALL my friends are special to me. But I have had friends come out to me--even as late as 40 years old--and it's not always an easy path . . . and very often is a painful one. I have transgender friends--including someone terribly dear to me who is making the transition to woman.

And I wonder about this climate of bullying. But I have come to the conclusion that adults have set the tone, often. Something changed in this nation in the last ten years, to where you cannot watch any news program, debate any topic in any forum, and not expect ugliness. Hate speech. As if we have somehow forgotten the lessons we hopefully were taught as young as kindergarten. Even Dynamo Boy knows you don't say ugly things to people. [Though he DOES love his potty talk words!]

In May of this year, I alluded to the fact that I was the victim of--basically--bullying. A woman called my home because she was upset about something having to do with church, and among the nasty things she said was "You should get down on your knees and pray to God for your soul because you are not a f*cking nice person." She dropped the F-bomb about 20 times. And tellingly, she said, "The REASON I am so upset and irate is x, y, and z." And therein is the problem. That somehow when a person is angry, that they think it then JUSTIFIES whatever venom spews from their mouth, no matter HOW ugly, no matter HOW hate-filled, no matter HOW potentially unjustified. It's okay to disagree with someone else, but to verbally attack them? I left the house of worship I had gone to with my CHILDREN for five years because in the aftermath of this, other people turned out not to be stand-up folks. There needs to be a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY for bullying--whether adult or children. And the message that I believe the children at this house of worship received was "If you're mad enough about something, you don't have to play nice. You can be a bully, 'cause heck, if you're mad enough, just let it fly."

I know that I was quite rattled--no other word for it--by how hateful someone could be. But I am also rattled by trolls on the Internet, by anonymous posts . . . I am rattled when I see a story on the Internet in the news about gay parents or about racism or about x or y, and you look down the comment trail and see people spout such UGLY sentiments. There was a drowning about 40 minutes from here last year. Because it was in a river with a current, the posts in the newspaper comment thread included sentiments from people who said the parents DESERVED to burn in hell because their daughter drowned. All I could think was "I hope you never take your eyes off your child for a moment." Today, Dynamo Boy went outside ostensibly to play with the cat--he ended up CLIMBING on the roof of the car. One slip, and he could have hit his head on the concrete. I sometimes have to SLEEP. I sometimes use the bathroom during the day. I like to take a daily shower--LOL! I worry ALL THE TIME as the mother of a child like him. And I have nothing but compassion for people who make a mistake or look away for a moment--and their life changes forever.

I don't understand this outbreak of hate in our culture. I have to think it goes back to fear. But I do know that I have a lot of love in my life. And that frightened and anguished and ALONE gay teens are taking their own lives. And that can't go on.

I get tons of fan mail from kids. Most of them don't check this blog, but any who are, I say this . . . you are better than the example the ADULTS in this nation are setting for you right now. And for any teens reading this who might be struggling with their sexuality, know this group is here for you.

Namaste. Peace. Love.