Personal Ads
Everybody lies in personal ads, right? I could tell you some of my friends' eHarmony nightmares. But I am sure if you know anyone who dates online, you have heard the tales yourself.
I don't know that I would take the trouble to lie. Why bother? Might as well get it all out on the table:
Tired, overworked, frequently chaotic, relentlessly thinking, mother of four--including a Demon Baby--seeks funny, intelligent man with knowledge/interest in physics, philosophy, foreign affairs, and ability to change the toilet paper roll AND pick up his own underwear. Age, race, religion unimportant. If politics are not at least slightly left of center, don't bother replying. No homophobes, racists, alcoholics, smokers--or fools.
There. I doubt I'd get any responses, but . . . .
Here's the thing . . . I could look at myself as the first four words of this ad. Or I could "sell" myself.
Delightfully charming eccentric and intelligent mother of four amazingly well-behaved and equally delightful and endearing children, including the youngest who has an amazing propensity for creative endeavours seeks . . . .
THAT'S "selling" what I have. Or lying. Depends on how you look at it, I suppose. Frankly, I don't think there's a man on EARTH who could handle this household.
I have, twice, been asked by friends to write their eHarmony ads. Because they don't "see" themselves as I see them. I take my friendships seriously. If you are my friend, I love you to the end of time. And I "see" my friends as all so utterly wonderful, as beautiful, fantastic people. I don't "see" the extra few pounds, the bald spot, the grey hair or the wrinkles. I see their smiles and their intelligence, and the way they can make every occasion into a party, and the way they keep up the banter when we play poker. I see their magic. I see how TERRIFIC they are. Oh, yeah, I know they have a stubborn streak or can be a little bit touchy at the holidays or whatever. But I'd be honest about that too. That's part of their charm. That's what makes them unique.
So it goes with query letters. I liked what He Who Tells It Like It Is said yesterday. BREVITY. Toss in some wit. Charm. And what makes your WORK SPECIAL. I won't name this person unless he or she chooses to out themselves today, but recently I critiqued a synopsis that didn't "sell" the work. WHAT is SO SPECIAL about your book?
The most beautiful people in the whole world are aware of what makes them special. I try to go through life finding what makes people special and then making sure they know it. And I like to do the same with friends' queries and books and synopses.
A query is no time for modesty. WHY IS YOUR BOOK SPECIAL? In short, why should I date your book? What makes it worth an evening of my time, a glass of wine, and cuddling up under the blankets with it?
Sell me.
25 comments:
Stunning, astonishing, breathless, exhilarating, relentless, lightning-paced...
Those are some of the adjectives used in the synopsis of The Da Vinci Code on Dan Brown's website.
But I wonder if that kind of treatment really works when trying to sell to agents and editors. Do industry pros roll their eyes sometimes when they see too much "sales" talk?
Should we hype our manuscript to the max in a synopsis, or is that a big turnoff sometimes? I'm genuinely curious.
Jude:
I don't think "hype" is selling. If you look at what I wrote, I said what makes it SPECIAL. I think there's a big difference, in my own opinion, between a lot of adjectives, and genuinely finding what is quirky and special about unique about your book and then selling that. A "hype word" like "supermodel beauty" isn't who I am and it's not reality--it's an empty adjective, just a toss-off cliche or something. I think if your novel is "relentless tension" then definitely SAY that. But packing 6 or 7 adjectives that all sort of say the same thing . . . I don't know that it serves the writer well. Just my opinion.
E
Aw, that is so sweet, Erica! My friends are more special to me than family, save Glenn. I'd do just about anything for them.
Brevity is really important. When I see query wars or stuff on the internet, most of the time I can't focus through the convoluted sentences. Brisk, short, lively sentences are RARE but refreshing.
Spy:
Brisk, short and lively. A perfect personal ad. ;-)
E
I think there's a kind of delicate balance with selling, because most of us are sensitive to overselling because we see so much of it--just turn on the TV or drive down the road.
I like to lay out what I've got then provide the evidence that I'm the guy to write it and again, brevity counts, because I try to strip out the crap and keep it down to, See, here's my amazing product, all you've got to do is look at it to see how great it is.
I know Joe Konrath got his agent through a real used-car-sales kind of pitch and he recommends it, but I bet most agents (especially now) find that kind of pitch too pushy.
I agree, but those are the kinds of adjectives I see in flap copy sometimes, and I'm thinking they might backfire in something like a query or a synopsis--the same as a string of self-aggrandizing adjectives in a personal ad would be an instant turnoff for some.
Mark:
I agree. A delicate balance. I know my agent has had a couple of editors tell him he "oversold" a project . . . made it sound better than it ulitmately was. So writers aren't the only ones who can miss the mark.
E
Jude:
Flap copy is SUPPOSED to oversell, I think. All modesty should be gone in flap copy. They have to hype it.
Maybe here's the bigger question. If you've written a thriller and CANNOT say, with all total certainy, that your book is relentless, lightning fast, and heart-pounding . . . then maybe you have no business submitting it, particularly in this climate. You know? If you haven't strived to have THAT be your product, then maybe you missed the mark. I don't know . . . but certainly food for thought for all of us.
E
If you've written a thriller and CANNOT say, with all total certainy, that your book is relentless, lightning fast, and heart-pounding . . . then maybe you have no business submitting it, particularly in this climate.
I'm just thinking agents and editors are probably desensitized to all those amped-up adjectives. Better, like you said before, to get to the meat of the story and try to sell what really makes it special. Show how your story is relentless, instead of just saying it is.
Jude;
Conincidentally, Nathan B. has a post up about queries. Says, for him, it's all about your STORY.
E
Thanks, I'll check it out.
Erica, I love it when your blog turns into a workshop. Woo-hoo! I'm learning something and it's not costing a dime (although I really should be studying for this afternoon's Stress Class exam).
Next time I write a query, I'm applying the "personal ad" lesson. It's not over-sell; it's not lying. It's showing what's special about you. (I'd date you, Erica, screaming meemie and all.)
Question: Do you feel that the query and synopsis's "flavor" reflect the story's voice?
Internet dating. Been there, done that. Done WITH that, for now anyway. With online profiles I always focused on voice, so a humorless slug would not be enticed, so that someone would know the important points. I wanted an astute guys to know what they were getting into before they even clicked to read more. I guess I'd like to think that my query would do the same thing.
For some truly hilarious personal adverts, check out the London Review of Books Personals:
http://www.lrb.co.uk/classified
For example: 'Yes, my advert is poorly constructed, but it’s a miracle I can do anything at all with my crippling addictions to chine sandwiches, supermarket own-brand cider and internet pornography. F, 94, Market Rasen.'
I wish these people would write my query letter for me!
Kath:
Aww, shucks. I'd date you, too. ;-)
And yes, I do think the synopsis should reflect voice. It should give a hint of HOW you tell it, even if it's including lines or bits of dialogue. Something like, "For cop Joe Smith, every day, he says, 'is about someone killing someone else.'" Whatever . . . you know, some dialogue line that maybe sums up their existential angst or their sarcastic nature or whatever.
E
Amy:
I would only write a humorous ad, too, because, frankly, my life is too hysterically funny/weird for me to write an ad any other way. But you're right, it would weed through the humorless. Same thing with a query. Something that hints at just what kind of book the person would be reading.
E
Hey E, you've touched on a tough one for me. My dream would be a publisher guideline that says, "Send me the work, I'll discover the specialness myself." LOL. And it's not lazy I'm talking about, just that it's difficult for me to stand back and analyze my own stories like that. I experience it all when writing and reading, just think the query is more difficult than writing the novel pretty much. Am I alone in this?
I always look for the special element in my ms. to hook the agent into reading it. But for me, this starts long before the query. In my pre-writing stage, when the story idea is glimmering in my mind, it has to have a special element. If it doesn't have that, I put it in my Future Idea folder and go on to something else.
You, Ms. Orloff, are a genius. You always give such wonderful ways of looking at things that perplex me.
I helped a friend with her Match profile once and while I definitely improved it, I kept wondering about the false advertising. She got some dates from it though. :)
Ladonna:
I think a lot of people struggle with that. But like asking a friend to write a personal ad . . . maybe a CP can help you pull out what's so special by looking at your work with a more objective eye.
E
Edie:
Amen, amen, amen. I mean . . . that is, for me, the ONLY way to approach choosing a wip.
E
melanie:
LOL! Well . . . you know . . . maybe it's all about whether you're an optimist. I mean, you COULD say I have a Demon Baby. Or you COULD say I just have a very smart, VERY creatively mischievious little guy. I guess when people put up a profile, they are just hoping to find someone who sees their quirks in that light. I could never be with someone who tried to squash the Demon-ness out of my kid.
E
Dang you might as well have called me by name. I felt like a sinner sitting in the front row at church.
I think selling myself is my biggest weakness as a writer.
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