Abracadabra
My life is about to change. Then again, if you want to watch God laugh uproariously, tell the Universe you have plans. Then see what happens. The one constant in life is change.
However . . . I will have one child in college, one in high school, one in middle school, and one in preschool (though I intend to keep him home f/t this year). The middle two are going to be in magnet schools a half hour away, each, in totally opposite directions, with commuter buses that are not compatible time-wise (nor overly reliable), and one in afterschool activities four days a week, plus an intense college-directed program. This means I will be in the car, a MINIMUM of two hours a day, possibly, more, with a Demon Baby. Note, the picture is what Demon Baby is like in the car. I am sorry I cannot add sound effects, though we did record him in the car yesterday and I will upload it to YouTube.
Add to that, I don't like to rely on fast food, so Oldest Son and I are launching the Sunday Cooking Program. Meaning we will attempt to make seven meals on Sunday, minimum, and freeze 'em. Plus there is always my idol, the center of all that is good with mothering, the Slow Cooker.
Oh . . . did I mention I am a f/t writer? With deadlines? Yeah. There's that. And Crohn's disease (meaning when I get rundown, I am at risk of flaring . . . and my joints usually hurt 24/7 to begin with). And myriad other things that make the scenario I am outlining my Nervous Breakdown Waiting to Happen.
I need to be a magician. I need to figure out how to attend a multi-hour football game EVERY Friday night, WITH a four-year-old and an 11-year-old in tow when Demon Baby, at ANY activitiy, wants to go home after a half-hour. I need to drive to and from said games, and if I just choose to pick Oldest Son up from the game (he is in band) instead of attending, then I will have to WAKE a sleeping Demon Baby (who suffers from night terrors pretty bad, so this would NOT be wise) and drag him the hour to and from trip at 11:00 p.m. Because it is a magnet school, there are not other parents I can car pool with.
I want to throw up.
So . . . today I toss it out to all the magicians out there. All the people who juggle day jobs, commutes, writing, parenting, deadlines, elderly parents, financial crises, grocery shopping . . . no, I don't expect most of you have my precise Nervous Breakdown. But I do expect you all feel harried and busy much of the time. So have at it. What are your best tricks for juggling? Time management? Dealing with lots of hours in the car? Waiting rooms and carpool lines? I already bought a Netbook to write on. But I expect some of you have some tricks up your sleeves you can share.
How is a writer to get it all done? Give us your best magic tip, advice, or just a prayer. 'Cause I need a Hail Mary.
43 comments:
I want to crawl back into bed just reading this. Erica, I feel very very lazy compared to you and most of the other writers out there, so I'll sit quietly and see what everyone else suggests.
My first thought was you need three assistants...
I LOVE the Sunday cooking program. I sometimes did something similar when I was working, but I'd just cook one big thing and eat it all week for lunch.
I'll e-mail you 2 of my favorite recipes. One can be frozen the other takes 5 minutes to assemble for crock-pot.
My life isn't quite that hectic though I say this before softball, robotics, fiddle lessons, boy&girl scouts, etc. get in full swing. However, I did find that taking notes or even writing bits when I'm in the car, at a game, or whatever helps. Granted I don't have a small child anymore and they are demanding when they're bored at games, trapped in car seat, etc. Hand held electronic games?
Melanie:
All right, I'll just find three assistants. LOL!!!!!!
E
Richmond:
I avidly collect crock pot recipes. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!
And yes, I am definitely going to carry a notebook, I think. Definitely . . . .
And handhelds . . . yup. And I think I might try to get some cool books on CD.
E-mail broken, I think I sent something via webmail. Sigh. How can computers be so liberating and so confining at the same time?
I always have tons of books on CD on my IPod (yay public library)-- we just listened to The Castle in the Attic for three blissful hours while driving to RI and back. My demon baby is an auditory learner, so he will actually tune in to this in the car.
I am hoping to launch a Sunday cooking program as well-- I tried this once before to minimum success.
My older son outgrew his horrible night terrors-- I think most do, I don't remember what age. Now he only gets them when he's sick--it still freaks me out every time.
My older son is in charge of breakfasts--we do cook them in advance too, if he feels like eggs.
There is a cool glowing drawing board that maybe your son would like to do at football games, it looks really cool in the dark, and you can just wipe it down with a wet cloth and start over--it's the Color Explosion Glow Board from Crayola.
Sometimes we do maps and bingo in the car, and my kids love the gps, even if I know where I am, they love to watch the car on the screen get to its destination.
I don't know if any of this is helpful--what an incredibly busy year for you. But how wonderful to have such interesting, engaged kids!
My suggestion for Demon Baby is that in addition to a Sunday Cooking Program, that you have a Only In The Car Program. Things, toys, tools, books, music for Demon Baby that is only for the car. He likes to take apart and build? How about a car project? I don't have specifics, but you surely know your kid better than anyone else. His own MP3 player for whatever music he likes or even stories?
As for you? Same thing! I used to open mail and pay bills sitting in the car waiting for kids to come out of school. Hate that anyplace, but it was a good way not to ruin time at home.
Did you know that you can put a whole chicken, or chicken parts, in the slow cooker and have them sort of crisp up? Yep, roll up balls of aluminum foil and place the chicken on top of them! I love the crockpot but get tired of saucy meals! I have my kids favorite "saucy chicken" in the crockpot right now. It's a can/jar and envelope meal! A can of low fat mushroom soup/an envelope of onion soup mix/a jar of fat free sour cream/add chicken/cook. YUM.
Heather:
The Glow Board sounds right up his alley!!!!
And I know the night terrors tend to go away . . . I can't wait. We had a killer one this weekend and I got NO sleep on Saturday night. None. Sigh.
E
Amy:
That is a good idea! I organize my Daytimer in the car. But I could do that. I also return phone calls (not while driving but while waiting). And I had NO idea about that chicken thing! I have a crockpot, but I use the slow cooker more.
E
Carnation Instant Breakfast Bars and Salem Lights.
Jude:
We do breakfast bars. We'll skip the Salems. (I thought you quit!!!!!)
E
I don't have advice, but can say if I had your life-style I might seek out a crack dealer. Yikes! I don't know how you do it. Perhaps it's all in the practice and theory, "The more we do, the more we do."
Good luck.
I haven't had a cigarette in 82 weeks, Erica.
But I still dream about them.
I got nothing for you but hearty well-wishes. If anybody can do it you can.
Kath:
Crack is whack. ;-)
E
Jude:
Good for you!
E
Travis:
Thanks for the vote of confidence. :-)
E
Negotiate. Your kids need rides, food, and your support. You need help around the house and uninterrupted writing time. Negotiate those things. Big kids entertain younger kids while you write. Kids do dishes, clean bathrooms, take out trash, fold clothes. In exchange, you will get them where they need to go seven days a week and supportively attend their performances.
And, believe me, your son will survive and even thrive if you are not at every single football game. Only go to home games.
Another thing, I'd throw a little money at the problem with demon baby at night -- hire a sitter when you have to go out after his bedtime.
All that $$$ you save by avoiding fast food can be applied to babysitters.
Ya know what else? Put demon baby into a mother's day out program once a week -- YOU need that time. You'll be a better mom, woman, writer, friend if you make and keep yourself a priority. And don't use that time for grocery shopping and errands -- use it to fill up your soul.
I would consider putting DB into some sort of organized program a couple hours a couple days a week. You might need the away time, at the very least, let alone the productivity time. Good luck. Leanne and I have always managed to rely on each other with a little help from friends, but we don't have 4 kids, either.
Hi Beth:
The good news is my middle two are very helpful (particularly Oldest Son). Sitters get expensive, but you are right. The sanity may be worth it!
E
Hi Mark:
My biggest thing with preschool is the lack of knowing when I will be "slammed" with work and really need it, and thus paying for it when I could just as easily have him home . . .
Ahhh the joys of recession.
:-(
E
Dunno if you have one, but a blackberry or Iphone would help you keep up on emails and such when you're not at home. I've started to rely on mine and found when I get home to my office I'm set to write. I even read blogs on my BB. I also have started downloading books onto it, per Nathan Bransford's suggestion, and I've found myself able to read a lot more in bits. I always kept a car book anyway, so now it's with me wherever I go.
And seriously, have you thought about a part time nanny--maybe for just the second round of driving during the day and for some of the football games? Maybe Demon Baby would be happier at home part of the time and a good one would feel more like a playmate. I have friends who juggle running their own business with no childcare in the summer and the kids end up trekking around with them to work sometimes, or unable to do fun kid stuff, like playdates or going to the park (they end up alone at home, watching TV). Mom and Dad don't want to feel bad for farming their kids out to nannies, but a great one can be a godsend. My kids absolutely ADORE babysitters. And yeah, I know Demon Baby is, well, Demon Baby. But there is someone out there who will love him almost as much as you do. I think the key is to keep the sessions short, a couple of hours, and to loosen up expectation, as in "I don't expect to come home to a perfect house. I don't expect you to do my laundry. I just expect that DB is happy and fed." I know you're not that way, but I know people who expect their sitters to do the dishes, etc. I never mind coming home to nerf ammo everywhere or games spread out because then I know they had a great time.
I LOVE the mom's day out program. Another friend has a kid who's so dependent upon her (he's the last baby at home) he is a holy terror when he's left. That kid needs a mom's day out program badly. (BTW, I was SO that kid. Such a mommy's girl that kindergarten was terrifying!)
Oh, and those long drives will be excellent for your kids to get going on homework! We go up to the lake to ski every weekend all winter long and get our son to do his homework in the car. Our reasoning? Then it's over for the weekend, he's just sitting there anyway, and we're right there, able to help him.
GOOD LUCK! It seems overwhelming now, but I bet you'll be glad you did it when your kids are thriving. And doubly glad when summer comes!!!
You already know my advice :)
But seriously, I think SS@S and Mark and others are onto something: farm some of it out.
Hi Starbucks:
I see a pattern here . . . babysitters. LOL! And you know, that would be better than traipsing him all over.
In general, like a lot of moms, it's going to be an insane scheduling nightmare--each week will be a little different, and I'm going to have to be superorganized.
Oh, and I did get an iPhone and a netbook, and it DOES help immensely to cut down on email clog-ups!!! :-)
E
Lurker Monkey:
I am actually going to be trading homeschooling a high schooler in English (devising lesson plans) for babysitting. That may help me some. I am going to try to barter for what I can. :-)
E
When I was a sophomore in college, I used to drive two kids about to and from this activity and that activity. I could only do it for a semester because it was way more driving than I imagined, but could you find someone like that to help?
Other than that, my only advice would be to wake up at 4:30am. *shudder*
Natasha:
I am considering, with the school year, trying to shift my sleep cycle significantly.
E
From me, you get a prayer.
I'm looking for a job as an author's assistant. I adore children. I can do housework with one hand tied behind my back. I used to be the banquet chef at a four-star hotel.
Wine and me, we be mates.
Unfortunately for you, I'm also good at Scrabble, but maybe you could recommend someone?
Wow, I am impressed! That is a very busy schedule!!
Let's see. Can you turn the football games into some kind of game for Demon Baby? Something like each player is a ninja and they are in training for the big battle, etc. That way he is entertained through the game?
And perhaps you could hire someone to drive for you two days a week? That way you get a reprieve for two days.
As for meals, I have a few quick yummy recipies. I'll e-mail them along in case you are interested.
Joe:
Considering your standing with the man upstairs as a retired minister, I will glady take it.
:-)
E
Stephen:
You're hired.
I can only afford to pay you in wine.
:-)
E
Nadine:
YES! Collecting recipes. :-)
My biggest fear with taking Demon Baby to football games is he will somehow scramble away from me and run on the field.
E
I like all of the ideas you've had come in for babysitters and things to give you work time in the car.
If you do a 'car activity only' box for demon baby, I suggest adding a new item ever few weeks, while taking one out... otherwise, he'll be "over it" fairly shortly. This way, he's got something new to mess with. If he plays nintendo ds, we buy them used games at gamestop, which are way less expensive than brand new, and usually a new game can keep my kids occupied for a fairly long time.
I'll send you an email with some recipes to try. I've got three in three different schools this year, and I like to attend as much of their stuff as possible, and the older two are both in activities most days... and the youngest one wants to start chess and basketball, which I'm not sure how the hell I'm going to fit it in, but I guess I'll have to... sigh.
I sit down one day a week and make out a menu during the school year. That way, I can look at my schedule, and figure out what I have time to fix... also helps keep me on track with the shopping. Long practice days get easy meals or crockpot. Not a lot of activity days get full meals (that yeild leftovers, for sure)
Skip the Hail Mary. I'd go for a Mary Poppins.
I think you need to do a post where everyone shares these recipes with each other and not just you! :)
I'd say ask around at the football games. I know your situation is unique, but strange carpooling alliances are made all the time.
Does DB like movies? You could get a portable DVD player.
I highly recommend "My Father's Dragon" on audio. I haven't tried it out, but also I heard about "Nelson Mandela's Favorite African Folktalkes" on NPR, and the tales are told by people like Whoopi Goldberg and Archbishop Tutu.
Also, though it's pretty annoying, my kids could play with a video camera for hours. Maybe DB would like to film the football games.
I got really anxious reading about your schedule. I'll just pop a couple of Valium and go to sleep now.
I don't know how I would handle 4 kids. But my trick with my 2 was to let things go to pot. Certain things were priority - playing, reading. Lots of things weren't - laundry, cooking, straightening, vacuuming. . . the list is pretty endless.
Merry:
Like that idea. Maybe I can get him his own car backpack.
E
Lainey:
LOL!!! Yes, Mary Poppins would be great (when Oldest daughter was 5, that were her FAVORITE movie).
E
KathArine:
Yes . . . they actually did some videos on the drive this past weekend. His sister directed him and he did air guitar.
E
Robin:
Laundry usually falls by the wayside.
E
Bless you Erica. You're a stronger woman than I. Beth had a great idea with the, "mom's day out program." Asking for help is ok ;)
Try to breath and reboot every once in a while and enjoy what's going on around you, and forget the hassle it was to get there in the first place :)
Smiley count (only 2!)
Whew! Exhausting for sure.
Barter - babysitting. Anyone in your neighborhood that would exchange babysitting with you? That way you get an extra Demon sometimes and no Demons other times.
I'll ask the wife for recipes.
Anyone in your older kids' schools who are driving anywhere near you? Maybe you don't know anyone yet, but can find out soon. If you can drop one off partway to school with someone going the rest of the way, that helps cut time.
Much energy and no insomnia for you, my dear.
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