Pushing Through Discouragement
I have been thinking about the things I have chosen as hobbies throughout my life. I used to do a lot of jigsaw puzzles. I started out with ones of 500 or 1,000 pieces, and then after a while, I gravitated toward insane ones with 2,500 pieces or more that were very difficult to complete because they were jigsaws of things like a hundred candy apples, all the same color and impossible to differentiate one piece from the other. Then Demon Baby came along. Enough said about jigsaw puzzles.
I do New York Times crossword puzzles. I started out in my teens doing the one in the magazine on Sunday and rarely being able to complete it (I refuse to use the crossword puzzle dictionary). And then I started buying books of the puzzles. It reached a point where, if I was familiar with the overarching subject of the puzzle, I could do a weekday one in under ten or fifteen minutes, so I started exclusively buying the books of SUNDAY puzzles. This man is a god. But . . . again, sort of like jigsaws, I would reach a point where whatever I started doing was too easy and it was time to graduate to something else, like a burst of sprinting in a race.
Knitting . . . well, frankly, I still suck. I don't check my gauge. But I am happy not being particularly good. Scarves are now ho-hum. So are hats. So I have burst through to making a shawl with a ruffle. I would complete more projects except for that Demon Baby kid who likes to make Samurai swords of my knitting needles. If a little thing like a project happens to be ON them . . . he doesn't care. So I have to keep my projects hidden away. Which makes it more of a pain to work on.
Finally . . . I started guitar lessons. I have offered to feed my daughter's boyfriend a steak dinner once a week in return for lessons. My fingers hurt. I don't anticipate a day when they will NOT hurt while playing. I also don't anticipate a day when I won't have to sit there with the fingering chart on a music stand, arranging my fingers into an A-minor chord. BUT . . . I presume, like all my other hobbies, a day will come when, like scarves, I will leave the A-minor chord in the dust and move along to a different chord.
Which brings me to writing. I am not particularly sure why all my hobbies involve mastering something ALONE. But they are all internal sorts of activities. They all involve pushing myself through discouragement. Writing does too. He can pep talk me all he wants. I can do the same for him. Or for any of my writing friends. I always am delighted to hear from lurkers to this blog who email me and say that one post or another got them through a bad writing time. But in the end . . .
You can't quit. And you have to push yourself through discouragement. You have to have it IN you to WANT it. And I mean WANT it.
I really want to learn Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here. It is my favorite song in the whole entire world. I don't know if a year from now, I will blog and say, "Fifty-two steak dinners later, and I can PLAY it. . . . BADLY . . . but I can play it." But I also know it is my nature to stick with it. To choose those hobbies that are about an internal challenge. To quietly WANT it. And then to persevere.
Thoughts?
31 comments:
In a few weeks you'll have calluses on your fingertips, and you'll be switching from D to A minor without even having to look.
But you have to get through the blister stage first. Painful, yes, but worth it in the end.
Jude:
I praticed this morning and found I didn't have to think so much . . . just kept forming and reforming the chords.
E
Isn't that odd. I was on the verge of learning Rocky Top on the banjo. It's my Dad's favorite song and he bought a banjo back in the 80's so he could learn it. Never did. My daughter plays fiddle but she isn't ready for Rocky Top yet. Dad is aging and just once I wish someone in the family could play it for him.
Maturity is odd because you start to see things differently, people, music, and face the knowledge that one day a song will bring back memories even if it isn't tactile ones of blistered fingers.
This is a good post for me today. Yesterday I tore apart my ms, and it's going to take a ton of perserverance to put it back together.
Erica-- when you start a new project in a new genre (like a mg book, after you've been writing funny chic lit) does it feel like you are starting to learn the guitar, or does it feel like the calluses are already there?
I too love to learn new things, and my favs parallel your list-- puzzles, word games, number games, crocheting. I love getting in a "rut" of being obsessed with something for a while, before switching and doing something completely different.
I've never really thought of my activities in terms of individual or group things, but I'm definitely drawn towards things that involve other people - particularly sports and salsa dancing. (Apparently I also don't like to sit still.)
I am very competitive and want to be the best I can, so I understand that drive. I just need to keep applying it to my writing.
I don't do defeat, either. A few years back I took up Sudoku, and kept it up until I could conquer the hardest ones. But I found I had to start slow with the easier puzzles - practice, practice, practice. Same with crocheting (something I took up last winter). I ripped apart a scarf several times, but finally ended up with a worthy enough one, which I gave to a friend.
I think what separates those who preserve from those who give up stems from a deep desire to always learn something new. For instance, writers who shun helpful suggestions. They view help as criticism rather than suggestion, and ultimately stomp away with their "know-it-all" selves.
Richmond:
My dad has a 10,000-album jazz record collection. It's insane. And when I listen to jazz, it's like being around him somehow.
E
Heather:
I think the calluses are there. You just realize you have some new chords to learn. But I think it's easier than trying to learn something entirely new . . . .
E
Heather:
And as a P.S. . . . at least from Kirkus and PW, I got the bext reviews of my career for my MG, which I only attempted in the last year or two. . . so go figure.
E
When I worked with underprivileged kids who all wanted to be star BB players, I told them that they have to play even when they hate the game. Even when they dreamed of a big orange ball all night and the smell of the locker room and the court makes them ill and when they hate their coach and when they throw a solid year of air-balls and when no one's at the game and against other really stellar players who are jerks...
Ditto snowboarding. Snowboarding is DESIGNED so that you're not scared to fall anymore. You fall so much at the start of it that you either get past it or give it up. If you get past it, you often get pretty aggressive because, hell, what's the worst that can happen?
Melanie:
I used to be competitive. Now, not so much.
And I never gravitate toward group hobbies. Though sometimes I invite my knitting friends over for a "Stitch 'n' Bitch."
E
Kath:
I told my daughter's boyfriend yesterday I wanted to play guitar to avoid Alzheimer's. I.e., always learn something new every day of your life.
E
I think really WANTING it is an important thing, especially in terms of writing, but really, I think it applies to any of it. Running marathons, triathlons, learning guitar, whatever. It's very easy to quit early one when you realize it's not going to be easy.
I played piano for 11 years, saxophone for about 8, etc., so when I decided to take up guitar I thought it might be easy. And in some ways it is and in some ways it's definitely not. I find it maddening because the layout of the frets is so damned counter-intuitive compared to the piano. At the same time, I just plan on taking baby steps and surprise myself that, voila, 3 years later I'm not bad (not good, really, but not bad). And in another 3 or another 10, well, who knows?
Starbucks:
This morning my fingers hurt. But I practiced anyway, in the quiet house before anyone woke up. I found it soothing. But yes . . . I totally hear you. Almost any hobby or passion I have pursued has at SOME point boiled down to something I hate. Even writing. And I have to work through it.
E
Mark:
I am filled with great admiration for those "call" stories of writers who toiled for years and years and rejection after rejection and then they finally broke through. I think it is about WANTING it.
So my kids asked me yesterday, "So what are you going to do once you learn guitar." And I said I was going to start a Desperate Housewives Band. Demon Baby has already said he will play lead guitar. So now I'm thinking of calling it Demon Baby and the Demonettes.
E
Good name or a band. But the Buddha-head in me says, "How will you know when you've 'learned' how to play guitar?" :)
Mark:
That is the AWESOME thing about all these hobbies. You never learn. There's ALWAYS another conquest!
E
Well, the German Romantic part of my soul is all about striving. I've always thought that art is striving for unattainable perfection.
Some people are just strivers. I sometimes envy those who just... enjoy life. My mother and stepdad worked 9-5 jobs, came home, ate dinner, and watched TV. It still boggles my mind, though. I just don't understand that. I don't understand not wanting something, not needing to constantly improve, to reach for... more.
I'm still processing the fact that you make time for a hobby!
I don't have any hobbies at all if reading, writing and the internet don't count. I have been going to the gym but lordy, that's no hobby.
Hmm, maybe I need one.
Natasha:
My dad was a striver . . . so I don't know that I know any other way to be.
E
Hi Amy:
I really LOVE knitting. But I am enjoying the guitar. It was on my New Year's Resolution list . . . so I figured I'd better start before 2009 comes to a close. I'm also planning on starting conversational Russian. You know. In my free time. ;-)
E
Your fingers will hurt, but give it some time and they won't hurt anymore. I've played for years but when I haven't played for a little while and pick it back up, my fingers hurt. But only for a few days, and then it's back to normal.
I refuse to give up on my writing. Some days are easier than others, but I'm going to keep going. Cause I want it.
That is my all-time favorite Pink Floyd song. I would love to learn Stairway to Heaven on the guitar myself.
I too partake in activities such as puzzles or guitar hero (so much fun). I think there something to going it alone, it makes me stronger. On the other hand, I love golf. It's a game with solitary moments and team moments. You and your ball and you and your golf buddies. I think I'm cool with either one.
I start things that I don't finish, not writing, of course, but I have the grass is always greener mentality. I figure, you get to try a lot of different things until you find something you really want to do, like golf.
Hi Erica,
I love Wish You Were Here... one of my boyfriends played and sang that for me, way back in my teens somewhere - the song still reminds me of him everytime I hear it.
My daughter took piano for a little under two years, and then switched to percussion to play in the band last year. She's going to start piano lessons again this year, still playing percussion, but she wants to audition for piano with the jazz band in 7th grade. The other day I was walking past her room and she was playing Paint it Black on the flippin bells. Perfectly. I openned the door and asked her where she got the music and she just looked at me blank-eyed - "I just figured it out." with that "Duh, mom, it's not hard" look on her face.
But it would be damn near impossible for me. She's one of those people who just gets it with music... and enjoys it, you can totally see it on her face. But that doesn't make it not hard - her hard is pushing through more intricate pieces, and she often picks out music by ear because whatever her instructor is teaching is a bit boring for her.
And I think it's that way for a lot of writers. Most of us sailed through english courses, and aced anything with an essay involved. Most of us loved playing with language and learned the rules of grammar without even thinking about it... but then, whenever we push up to the next thing, it's still hard, it's still challenging... if it wasn't, we'd all be bored by now.
By the way, even when I don't comment, I read your posts daily. Because you inspire me, often and without question.
Nadine:
I popped a string today. :-(
E
EriCan:
I think that is really true. I try a lot of hobbies (ceramics . . . scrapbooking, sewing). Most don't hit me quite right, but then when I find one I love . . . I pour myself into it.
E
Merry:
THANKS! I miss your blog and it's nice to know you're still "here." WISH YOU WERE HERE. Lol!!
E
A rough translation of one of my favorite Utada Hikaru songs, "Keep Trying" says "You should know that I'm more hungry than anyone" and that sums it up for me.
When I get a good scene in my head, it kills me to just sit on it so that I know where I'm headed with, I'm frothing at the mouth by the time I sit down at my desk to work. After I'm done writing it I sit there and think about how gret it'll look as an anime/manga/live action movie. And how excited I am to start querying, even though I know some agents just won't be into it. And that's when the foam starts forming around my lips again and I'm ready for another scene.
Perhaps I should go to the vet and make sure I haven't contracted anything from that place I call a high school.
Erica,
I'm actually back to blogging - just a few posts so far, I'll probably be back up to a few a week once the kids start school... not likely to hit your once a day, though :-)
JT:
Yeah . . . you know, sometimes I get ideas at very inconvenient times, and it drives me nuts until I can get to my computer.
Hope school's not too bad this year. Thinking of you in the Hallways of Hell.
E
Merry:
Awesome! I'll visit!!!!
E
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