Belief
From the long list of qualities I offered yesterday for a critique partner, I left something off. Because it's not a "requirement." You're just lucky as hell when you get it.
You see, you can have beta readers and critique partners who are very good, but who never cross the imaginary line. What line? I think every writer needs someone who believes in them.
A certain someone knew I was having a bad day last week. He wrote what to him may have been an offhand line.
I have so much faith in you that . . . .
I don't know about you guys . . . but we all have days when the Demons of Doubt descend on us. It doesn't matter your circumstances. If you write full-time, like me, there are months, quite simply, when the checks don't come. I once had a FIVE-MONTH contract negotiation.
If you have a day job and are unpubbed . . . you have days when you wonder . . . why do I spend all my free moments writing this when I feel like I am banging my head against a wall, when the market is so bad right now, when . . . .
If you are pubbed but your print run is tiny, or the co-op you were promised doesn't materialize, or your cover isn't quite what you expected . . . there are days.
It really doesn't matter what scenarios I paint, does it? You wonder if you'll ever finish the Epic in Progess. (And welcome back . . . you were missed!) You wonder . . . you wonder . . . .
And it is something special, magical, and for a writer, life saving, about having someone who sometimes quietly, sometimes not so quietly, listens to you rant about giving it all up. And then says, "Do it anyway. I believe in you." Or even, "Shut the hell up." They cheer you when you need a little cheering, or kick your proverbial ass when you need that too. They do it without pretense. Without jealousy or falseness. They do it because they believe in you. And because, perhaps, they are practicing a speech for their own Demons of Doubt.
You can't add it to some handy list of what to look for in a writer-friend-confidant-critiquer. But when you get it . . . bow to the Writing Gods and thank them.
And while you're at it . . . my best friend's story is up over at Lurker Monkey's. I believe in her.
Thoughts? Who believes in you?
31 comments:
It sounds cliché, but my mom believes in me. She's always encouraged my writing, even when I wasn't thinking about "writing", per se. I wish my husband was as encouraging, but he doesn't get it... yet.
Last week, my critique partner told me that he would not let me give up. Those words scared the doubt monster away, for a little while, anyway. I am blessed.
Great timing for this post. I was surrounded by these very demons last night. Demons that were not only going after my writing, but also my parenting, my weight and my self worth.
While the demons were gnawing away, I asked my husband about my purpose in life. Besides parenting, he said that I was a writer. I was always a writer. He believes.
Thanks for posting. :)
Hi Melanie:
My parents didn't know I wrote until I got my first contract. LOL! But . . . they were very supportive of my editing career.
E
Heather Lane:
Blessed indeed!! :-)
E
JLC:
Wow . . . he is a keeper!
E
I've been very fortunate to have many people show faith in me. Matter of fact this group of supporters have been the only thing keeping me going lately.
Our friend Stephen recently sent me a not that helped more than he'll ever know but then again Erica both you and he already fell in that category in my book.
My blog buddies are awesome. My path has been rather easy and lucky, though. I'm not sure belief is something I even consider. Even terrible musicians find a niche and make money, so I guess that part of it is done with my practical brain, not my belief brain. I'll make money somehow, I always do.
And this may sound silly, but I am comfortable with feeling like my writing sucks. I like knowing all that I need to improve. Even when I find writing worse than mine, I quickly look at writing that is much better than mine. Gives me something to do, I guess. I'm actually quite startled when someone says something to the contrary.
My wife believes in me. She may not 'get' everything, but she believes. And she wants to help as much as she's able.
My mom would if I asked her, but we don't talk about the writing much.
I have good friends who believe - writing friends - some of whom are published, like over 100 times and still not rich. (Hah)
And I have this amazing writing, blogging community online. We believe in each other - fiercely.
I believe in all of you. :)
Hey Travis:
Still think the world is waiting for your book! :-) Love your voice.
E
Natasha:
I know . . . I always seem to land on my feet. Just wish I wasn't always HAVING to "land."
E
Sarah:
Your wife is another keeper. You guys sound like such a great couple. If I ever tour out there . . . I'm stopping in!
E
Starbucks:
AWWWW . .. you are very sweet today!
E
You've always been very supportive, Erica, so I have to think you believe in me a little bit. :)
Jude:
LOL! Well, yes I do. As I believe in all my blogging pals.
E
My little sister, Macy, has always been a big help. My Father too, even after everything we've been through he's always striving to better himself and help me do the same.
I remember when I was getting so fed up with Nameless I was ready to quit cold turkey - just thinking about not writing made my heart hurt, and then Macy was beside me, poking me until I looked up at her.
Then she slapped me. You must understand that my sis is the sweetest, non-violent creature on hte planet. And that slap was hard.
She told me that after everything that's happened to me, everything I've overcome, to give up would be not only an insult to myself, but an insult to everyone that's supported my dream. She told me that even if I had to forget about Nameless I could always just write another story.
So here I am, and she still tells me that I'm amazing on days that I feel as far from it as possible.
I'm glad that little snot is on my side.
This is perfect for me. My CP keeps telling me my writing is GREAT! (She uses the capitals, not me.) If not for her, I might be in a corner right now, sniveling.
Number one supporter: My old man. I cry on his shoulder, rant, rave, stomp like a two year old, and he always, always reassures me that I've accomplished more than most people in this world.
If not for him, I wouldn't be me.
And then there are my ever-supportive peeps (they know who they are, especially if they visited the Epic In Progress Link posted here.)
And of course, you. ((Hugs)) If not for you and your blog, I'd wonder around more clueless than usual.
This is beautiful.
I once read, "Hope could be all that someone has. Don't take it away." So I try to critique with that in mind. Writing is deeply personal for all of us, and when we ask someone for help, we all want a bit of cheerleading to go with it--You can do it! sort of thing.
Thank you for the publishing post a couple of days ago! I just now read it. We've been busy with guests and I haven't been blogging, but I appreciated your thoughts!! Thanks!
:-)
JT:
Macy sounds like a totally rockin' sister.
E
Hi Edie:
That's . . . AWESOME!
:-)
E
Kath:
Does he have a brother? We should starts a matchmaking/dating service like eHarmony for writers . . . supportive partners only need apply. :-)
E
Hi Chris:
That is a lovely thought, and totally in line with how I feel.
E
Erica, he does have a brother, and the dude is his complete polar opposite...however, I know others like my old man and they are SINGLE!
We'd love to have you come by. And we'd take you out to one of our fave vegan restaurants.
Great post Erica. I cried. Really touched a nerve with all these posts lately on belief and critique etc... sure seems to be echoing / touching on things I'm going thro'/thinking about lately.
Thanks. I think. ;)
Oh, and I am blessed that I have a husband that believes in me, even for the times when I'm not sure I do anymore. And there's been more of those lately than I want to admit. Is nice that I'm not the only one going thro' things like this. Thanks.
Kath:
LOL! Good to know. ;-)
E
Sarah:
I am SO there if I get out that way. :-)
E
Sarah:
I am SO there if I get out that way. :-)
E
sgchris:
You know . . . I am more than I was when I was younger, very aware of what a strange gig this is. You write, and then you ask people "tell me how it sucks so I can fix it"--I mean the PROCESS is fraught, naturally, with criticism and having those touchstones of belief is important.
E
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