Amuse Me
I am trying very hard to maintain my sense of humor here in Orloff Land.
I am on prednisone for Crohn's. That's like being on amphetamines at the dose I am on, and I "turned the corner" about five days ago. I felt a LOT better. And, in fact, spent much of the day "speeding," which meant I was actually getting a lot done. This may not SOUND like fun, but if you have to be on some God-awful medication, it's nice when they come with at least one positive side effect.
Unfortunately, high-dose prednisone also comes with a laundry list of horrific side effects, all of which I know about. Except one. I didn't know it has a tendency to "thin" your ligaments.
Last night, my beloved Dynamo Boy fell out of bed. All parents know that precise "boom." I jumped from bed, put my right foot on the ground, and heard what I can only describe as a sickening ripping sound. And I felt the muscle in my calf tear from my ankle to my knee. I fell to the ground. And haven't been able to walk since.
So, in a wheelchair, I headed to doctor #1, who promptly said, "Go see a surgeon, they're waiting for you."
Met my doctor (very cute! European accent as a bonus!). Yup . . . rupture. Provided my knee stays stable, I can avoid surgery by staying in the above contraption for a couple of months. Crutches. Can't drive. Can't walk on it.
Ummmmmmm . . . . oh, yeah, I also can't come off the prednsione that did this to me right now. Hence, "be really careful." Like I need to do this to some other tendon.
So, you know . . . as I posted on Facebook, I take back EVERY bad thought I ever had toward one of the Yankees when they pulled a hamstring and I would scream, "Get up! Walk it off!" I can't walk. It's not a question of sucking it up. I can't. Period. Leg just doesn't support me.
And I am TRYING very hard to not get down . . . trying. But in private with my doctor, she just hugged me and I cried. What the hell? I mean . . . come ON!
SOOOOOOOOOOOO, your assignment today? Amuse me. Post a quote you love, a joke (I love jokes . . .) . . . post a picture. A happy thought. Tell me something beautiful. Tell me about your children. Tell me about a paragraph you wrestled into submission.
Just make me smile.
Namaste.
35 comments:
Rick Riordan put up the first two chapters to his next book the Lost Hero. It is super wicked.(In the words of my son). Here's the website. www.camphalfblood.com The password is newhero. No spaces, no capitals.
Why thank you, Mark!!
:-)
Well, the biggest thing to make me smile last week was discovering a male acapella group that does pop songs. Some of these videos are hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/user/yankeessuck8991
Also, here's their website if you want to hear more of what they do.
http://www.uoregon.edu/~jremsche/recordings.html
Thanks, Miriam. I laughed out loud.
:-) Love the dance moves.
Oh man, Erica! Gosh. You're not headed to Ohio, are you? I really wish you could see my stepbrother. You'd be shocked at how something that takes the body months and months to heal can make an astonishing recovery in one session. I don't know... remembering how very much my tendons were hurt... if you want to go to Ohio, I'll give you his info. He fixes tendons in five minutes that have been in excruciating pain for three or four months. Fixed. Done. That's it. One session. If it's really bad, maybe two sessions.
He's sort of one of a kind, though. There's only a handful of people in the country with his skills.
Natasha:
Well . . . it's ripped, so . . . I don't know what can be done except it coming back together again, but different people have suggested massage as helpful . . .
Can't he fly on over here? ;-)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Aardvark.
Aardvark who?
Aardvark all the way to Virginia to give you a massage and cook you a meal.
Stephen:
:-)
{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Let's see. There's this and this. She's got a Master's in Physics and has some really fun stuff on her blog.
I don't know if you saw this on mine.
Then there's the Writer's Customer Support Service.
I'll offer a prize for most creative use of a wheelchair. Hm. Let's see. I have an extra copy of Wicked by Gregory Maguire.
E - you choose the winner.
OMG, Sarah . . .
I LAUGHED at your blog. Never saw that. The performances--they were like "real" talking heads on the news. LOVED IT!!!!!!
And Oxygen is sheer genius. LOVE IT.
Thanks. The smiles were awesome!!!
Well, one of the best pieces of writing advice i ever got was...put butt to chair. Oh wait! You're already there!
Good news? My foster dog, Coco, might be going to her forever home this weekend.
Okay, now seriously...shoulder, crohns, leg...that's three - you're done! No more health issues for you!
Feel better soon. Sending you healing thoughts.
I just finished a chapter about a goat, a boy, and 2 pretty girls. I also wrote a blog post starring a scantily clad idiot ... and yeah I was the scantily clad idiot.
Sorry for all the stuff you are having to deal with at the present.
Aimless:
LOL! Yes! Butt firmly planted in chair. :-)
Travis:
Your blog always makes me smile. :-)
Erica, YIKES! Here's well wishes and hugs that you'll have a speedy recovery. Damn, it hurts just thinking about your injury - makes my recent abdominal incision a minor blimp on the pain-in-the-ass radar.
So today I began reading this book on Kindle: Black Swan Green: A Novel
When you have a minute download the sample. It's a fabulous coming of age story and I believe you'd appreciate its humor.
Hugs again. Damn. :(
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/coffee
For the coffee lover in all of us.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/angler
Because angler fish became less scary after reading this.
Btw: With the rather unfair amount of bad luck you've had lately, I've got a feeling that you've got something really great making its way to you.
In two weeks I'll have pictures of my dog in a cone. Guaranteed laugh. Until then...
First watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zcOFN_VBVo&playnext_from=TL&videos=saWUegOQi1Y
Then this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3z1Pr0ayzik&playnext_from=TL&videos=DmqsaZGoWVM
Oh, Erica - that sucks royally. I'm so sorry.
Here's a story from our vacation I know you'll appreciate:
Adam got really good lox at the local fish place and brought it to Ocean City, MD with us, thinking he'd cook lox, eggs, and onions for us and the boys. The place was too small with no real eating area, so the lox sadly sat in the fridge. One morning, the guys went to the boardwalk, and Adam and I went out for breakfast. He gave the lox to the waitress.
"Could the chef cook this up with eggs and onions for me?" he asked.
"Uh, sir, we don't usually do that because we sell our own lox," she said.
"Well, this is very special lox," said Adam.
"What's so special?" she asked.
"My father got it for me specially. It's kosher. We're very religious."
"OK," said the waitress.
Adam felt bad for lying like a rug, so he added stuff to his order - hashed browns and sausage. The waitress came back with our coffee.
"If you're so kosher," she asked. "Why are you eating sausage?"
Adam gave a nervous laugh. "You caught me," he said. "Don't tell my dad."
Not many people would find this story as amusing as I do, but I'm sure you will smile.
Last night I went to see The Holy Grail and I got embarrassingly drunk. (Well, I was embarrassed later.)
And they gave us coconuts to make the horsey noises during the movie. We still have the coconuts. What was funny last night is not so funny in the hands of an 8 year old and my hangover.
And then this morning I was in line behind none other than AERIN at Starbucks, only I was ponytailed and makeupless and hungover (and digesting IHOP) and so she kind of recognized me but not quite enough to ask if I was me, apparently. So we literally spoke to each other without realizing who the other person was.
We suck.
But we still all love each other, cuz that's what writers do.
Tonight I also faced out several friends' books at Borders.
And there ya go. My last 24 hours. It's a rock star life but someone has to live it.
Hi Erica, I'll give you some distant healing. Visit my blog contact details there, follow link to website, contact me there as well. Read some of the healing posts. I've had some awesome results. I'm about to post a new testimonial on my website about a US healing and reading. No charge, for love. I can shcedule 2 or 3 sessions. Let me know. Talk soon.
Kath:
Wonderful. A free sample for my Kindle! I love all these great suggestions.
JT:
Thanks, my friend. Last night my refrigerator broke. It's almost getting hilarious.
Melanie:
Yours was my fave. :-) It made me SMILE!
Robin:
LOL! I love it. Your stories are the best, babe!
My grandmother once pulled something equally ridiculous with bacon and kosher.
Starbucks:
Get out! LOL!!!! Too funny . . .
I need to pound some coconuts.
Hi Simon:
I love the pictures of Australia on your blog . . . will read some of the stories there today. Thanks!
My son the scholar. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1ht3VEdMPY
Good! It always makes me happy long after I've watched it.
http://bitcast-b.bitgravity.com/websitedown/index.html
It's a techie-geek thing, but funny.
Thanks Ewoh. Did you see Sarah's link? I think you'll love it!
I'm late to this post because of my trip, but it's never late for a smile.
My nephew just turned one and likes pointing in the air. We were all watching him and I said "Aidan, do you see dead people?" It was kinda funny.
And this is my current favorite quote:
"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." ~ Maya Angelou
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