Sick of Being a Grownup
I'm pretty sick of being a grownup. Maybe it's the economy, my illness, responsibilities. Maybe it's trying to do laundry with my leg in a brace. Maybe it's the leaky roof, the fact that my fridge broke and it cost $300 to fix because it was the ONE part not under warranty. Maybe it's, frankly, being sick of other grownups. Maybe it's watching cowardice, or bullying ('cause it sure doesn't stop once we all leave the playground). Maybe I'm sick of having a disease that can't be cured and having to find a way to smile anyway. Maybe I'm sick of being asked to be the bigger person because people know I CAN be the bigger person. Maybe, just once, I don't want to be a grownup and I instead want to be . . . .
A pirate. 'Cause they get to do what they want.
Except . . . every night I tell Dynamo Boy stories from my pirating days. Because I was the CAPTAIN of my pirate ship, I had a lot to deal with--mutiny and my shipmates misbehaving. A man overboard (that was the story of two nights ago--and a harrowing tale that was). My goodness, but even as a PIRATE, I had a lot of responsibility for the people I loved!
So maybe I want to be . . .
A kid.
Maybe that's why I write middle-grade fiction.
Except . . . as I write I am keenly aware that the children in my stories feel great responsibility. They grieve, they battle evil, they are silly and funny, and occasionally sullen. They are lonely. They worry for the people around them.
And it dawns on me. It's being HUMAN that's so damn hard.
Which brings me to writing middle grade and young adult fiction. Because I encounter a lot of writers who want to write middle grade and YA. And very often I think, at least from the conversations I've had, that they think that means it's "easy." Or they think it's so they can create a simpler time. Because they shake their heads about . . . "kids these days . . . " And I can't help but think they are wrong. Very wrong.
Because it's hard to be a kid. A pirate. A grownup. And no matter what you write, I think that's a part of it.
Maybe I'm sick of being human. Maybe I should write about aliens.
But my guess? My alien's spaceship would break down and it would be the one part not covered in the warranty.
Thoughts?
30 comments:
*snort* I did find that a lot of parents were invested in their kids having this fantasy childhood. Which is awesome, except it sure puts the kid in an awkward position. There's nothing easy or idyllic about growing up. We so easily forget, but really, it's much easier being a grown-up.
Hi Natasha:
I have been watching some adults behave like kids lately--one thing happened to my dear friend . . . people who she thought were her friends turning into some middle-aged version of Mean Girls. And in one case, something that happened to me, where someone I respect has urged me to be the "bigger person." In the latter case, I believe being the bigger person means no longer being a presence someplace ever again, which is hard. But I would rather not be around toxic situations. And as I've pondered all this, I've thought . . . gosh, it never ends, really, the human condition. What people will do to each other. And adults CAN walk away . . . but sometimes kids have to STAY PUT (i.e., have to keep going to school with bullies; in the case of the two things I'm talking about here, both my friend and I have walked away, literally, from friendships and people, hopefully with some dignity and grace). Being a kid doesn't make life easier. Do they have to worry about earning a living? Not usually. House responsibility? No, not in the same way as adults. But really, the emotional stuff? Just as difficult.
Erica, what a wonderful post!!! Here's to you finding some peace.
Thanks mwd!!!!!
:-)
I'm going to post this under just my first name so it doesn't come up on the airwaves. I have some friends who leave me and my family out at every opportunity. Oddly, they wouldn't even know each other if it wasn't for me. So over this event recently, I made the conscious decision to hang with the kids.
I had more fun than I've had in ages. The kids are all fine, thank God, it's the grownups who are fucked.
Worse thing about it, they have NO excuse to behave this way.
--Bets
Bets:
I don't understand people sometimes. You know, I could get REALLY philosophical here, but my God, most of us have enough to eat, a roof over our heads, some degree of health, blessings that third-world countries cannot even imagine--from electricity all the time to clean water. So it seems like here people INVENT drama. I wonder if for some that is a human need.
I like being both a grown-up and a kid. I enjoy the semi-control over my life as a grown-up. Though sometimes when you are a grown-up, reality drags you down under and it doesn't want you to kick up for air, but that's when you have to take time to be a kid. Enjoy the sun on your face and the wind in your hair as you fly back and forth on a swing. Take time to blow dandylion fluff. Squish mud through your toes after a warm summer rain. It's the simple things that make the tough things bearable.
Feel better, Erica.
magolla:
One of my favorite things to do in the fall is lie in the grass with DB and stare at the clouds.
It makes me quite curious, too, why people seem to do these things. Seriously. Don't we all have enough shit going on? I know I do.
Bets:
AMEN. I mean, I don't have enough hours in the day to BREATHE (something i am working on . . . simplifying life a little). But I have no time for Drama Mamas. But as I think I said the other day on here, I've gotten really good about just leaving the room. Which amuses me, because in my 20s, that would not have been me. But now . . . life is WAY too short.
"It's being HUMAN that's so damn hard."
I have struggled with low level (sometimes almost debilitating) anxiety all my life. I finally realized it in retirement when I had time to take a hard look at myself.
I remember being anxious and depressed when I was very young.
So I don't believe children somehow have life more simple, live less troubled lives. I remember otherwise.
Books like Magickeepers are helpful, even to adults.
Joe:
A lot of my books have at their core some main character dealing with unresolved grief. Children grieve. Adults grieve. It's so powerful . . . and the magical realism, if you will, that sometimes accompanies childhood doesn't shelter children from real pain and hurts.
E
I like to think (hope) I never really stopped being a kid. When I was 6 I got in trouble for coloring on the walls. I now paint pictures on my walls in protest of them squashing my creativitiy. My parents used to forbid feeding the dogs from the table...I do it all the time now.
I think you need to break some rules sometimes that always makes me feel better. Even if they're little ones.
Aimless:
My mom was an uber-housewife--she can cook like a world-class chef (no kidding, for real) . . . she kept the house pretty spotless, sewed our clothes, worked . . . I don't know how she did it. My household is not nearly as efficient. We break a lot of rules here, too.
One of my first days in kindergarten (and I remember it vividly, but don't ask me what I did two days ago...), this girl came up to me and just smacked me in the face. No provocation. It was in the cloak room. My older sister stood by me (she walked me there from the bus) and sister said something like, "Just ignore her."
Fast forward forty-eight years later. My first semester as the oldest college freshman I encountered a student a few years younger than me. I have no idea what I did to her, but she wouldn't speak to me, roll her eyes when I added to a class discussion, etc. She never walked up and smacked me one, but still I wondered what I did to conjure up the negative reaction.
Sometimes I think I have an aura that attracts that sort of behavior. Dunno.
Life is a mystery.
P.S. Hope your day becomes less sucky. ((HUGS))
Hi Kath:
I know everyone is not going to like everyone else. I get that. I don't like everyone I meet . . . I meet people I am drawn to, and people whose vibe just isn't my thing, whether they seem like narcissists or are maybe very money-focused, whatever. But I strive to treat everyone with respect and decency and kindness, and it really is a puzzle the people who don't do so. I loved that book "All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." Smacking someone would NOT make that list. :-(
E., you might find this hard to imagine (snicker), but I'm a very inward person - meek, mild, I'm all the passive adjectives in the dictionary. So back in Kindergarten I was that PLUS scared of my own shadow, so you can imagine my indignation when slapped by the mean girl.
And I do try to be respectful to the mean stupid-people of the world, but usually I just ignore and avoid them. "Talk to the hand, stupid person, talk to the hand." lol
Kath:
I'm almost 5'11. I'm hard to "hide." LOL! But I, too, am INWARDLY fairly reclusive, prefer being alone most of the time, etc. Definitely a dichotomy since I am not SHY, per se, but nor do I find some social things easy. And confrontation? MAKES ME QUEASY!
I'm sick of begin a dog owner... Just for today, since my dog is driving me slap nuts!
/hijacking
(((hugsforyou)))
*sigh* yes. To be alone is wonderful.
I think so many people are addicted to excitement. We have lots of stimulation these days and its much worse for the new generation.
Try to get these people to enjoy life, enjoy each other and they will stir something up just because they "have" to. It's too quiet otherwise.
My adulthood is much nicer than my childhood though I did enjoy certain parts of my childhood and there are parts of adult life that I could do without.
Posey:
LOL! My cat is driving me crazy. He is really Dynamo Boy's cat and he is determined to make me fall with my brace. Every step I try to take, that cat is climbing in and around my legs!
Sarah:
I think that, for MG and YA authors that HAS to be the realization. There is no idealization. It's HUMANNESS not age that dictates our experiences.
What's the name of your ship, Cap'n?
Don't stop being human. The fact that you can make me smile despite your misery shows you've got SOMETHING figured out. :)
My next novel will be YA, but that's because I still feel like a kid and relate to that way of thinking, certainly not because it's easy.
I just read all the comments and have more to say. I'm a very social person but dealing with what I have over the past three years has taught me that I'd rather sit by myself and talk to online friends than be with people who don't live up to my standards. Pettiness, cattiness, all that crap... I have no time for it. I've cut people out of my life who are like that and don't regret it one bit.
I've had situations like Kath where someone dimisses me for no reason (that I can figure out). I've learned to accept that not EVERYONE will like me (as inconceiveable as that is) but I still don't get it.
Mark
The Jolly Mama, of course
melanie:
I find MG seems more comfortable than YA for me. But my next is a YA and the voice is THERE.
I clearly behind the eight ball on this response, but wanted to say, simply, I love you. The difference to me is that we have such an opportunity to find these amazing people to surround ourselves with who make our lives fuller. I have definitely had times as an adult where I have felt alone, but it is so different from childhood. I had/have a wonderful family who I could/can turn to - but now, I feel like it just doesn't matter what one group tries to do to bring me down. There is a small core group of friends that I have been blessed with that I can call if I am hurt and be surrounded by there love immediately - I didn't have that as a child :) You are one of the best benefits of my adulthood :) xo BB
BB:
:-) You made me weepy, you brat. LOL!
I know. I feel EXACTLY the same way.
First rule of life as a human being: growing older is required, growing up is an option.
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