Living Your Writing
Recently a friend told me about an organization doing a, for lack of a better word, "re-boot." Rethinking their mission, they've formulated some "core values." I couldn't help but go home and sort of chuckle over it, because though my friend LIVES some amazing core values, it's basically just a lot of hot air for the rest of the place, because I just don't see them actually DOING and LIVING what these "new and improved" core values are.
Having worked as a ghostwriter for business folks for years, I am well-immersed in mission statements, mantras, core values, and principles. I have written core values and mission statements for many people--most of whom simply don't live them but can parrot the words very effectively. They're empty words. When you write for a living, you realize words have power. But embodying words, really taking them to heart and living them in what you do day to day? That's where the real power comes and all the mission statements and "core value sets" in the world mean nothing without the heart behind it. They become hypocritical trumpet calls. I'll never forget ghosting for one marriage guru--who proceeded to go to the Book Expo and cheat on his wife. Ghost a few books in the self-help genre, and you see this stuff all the time. Which is why when I ghost for someone who really lives their commitment--whatever it is--that is exciting to me. They're people with real energy.
All that said, we all screw up. The diets or healthy eating programs we stray from, the exercise commitments that we drift from when the weather outside says minus-two degrees. We strive to be more patient only to lose it over something stupid when we're tired. The 1,000 words a day we swear we're going to write at 5:30 a.m. . . . only . . . the alarm goes off and we press snooze.
The difference, of course, is who sets the alarm the NEXT day? Who re-commits when they drift from whatever the mission statement is? Who sees they didn't embody some core principle--and then picks up the telephone and makes the difficult phone call of apology or of re-connection? Who makes amends in ways that are meaningful? The day AFTER the mistake?
So what do you live? Do you have a writing mantra? A life one? I don't know that I have formulated a mission statement per se. But I am thinking about working on one. I do know I hear two words in my head a lot. ONLY YOU . . . What that means, for me, is that if I don't like something going on in my life, I am the ONLY one who can fix it. I cannot hope for a cleaning fairy, the lottery, or for an ashram to miraculously be built in my backyard. I am the ONLY one who can write the stories in my head, the ONLY one who can fix what is broken. I am the only one who can commit to meditation or to anything. I don't wish for things. I really don't. I don't hope much, either. I guess it amounts to Nike . . . Just do it!
I've got some writing to do!
How about you?
27 comments:
I guess if I had to find one word to choose as a life mission (writing included) it would be INTEGRITY. I try, in everything to be the same person in private that I am in public. I have failed along the way, but it's the one character quality I want most in my life. It's what I hope people will say about me at my funeral.
Beth:
That is SUCH a wonderful one, and I may have to steal it. ;-) Which does not sound like an act of integrity--but it's actually meant as a high compliment. What a wonderful word to embody! Love it!
Beth:
And as a P.S. . . . when I have on this blog ("Tall Windows," for example) talked about disheartening events and people who have behaved so awfully . . . THAT word--integrity . . . comes to mind, that they were so sorely lacking in it. I think I have lost such respect for people who do not live their lives with it. It is such a powerful way to live your life!!!
If I had to choose a word different from Beth's (and I agree, that's a keeper) -- I'd choose the word HONESTY. You really can't go wrong with that if you are first and foremost honest with yourself. Sometimes that means sparing someone's feelings (not so honest in a way, but kind) and sometimes it means not sparing them. I think honesty with oneself and others keeps us on track, without hasty diversions. I don't mean don't dream or wish or hope, but with truth all those things also have more meaning.
Does that make any sense or do I need more coffee.
I <3 the way you make me think, Erica.
I wish I could be noble and say kindness or some such. But I think if I had to pick a word it would be "myself". I find being true to myself really difficult sometimes. I'm such a chameleon. And there's a whole disapproval thing going on in my life, from many quarters. It's funny, I just realizedin writing this that a lot of my characters are the same way. The inevitably are themselves and get into trouble for it.
But like integrity, being myself is the only way I can let go of resentment. And sometimes I wonder if resentment isn't the biggest enemy we face as human beings.
Amy:
No, that makes sense. I remember working with one self-help guru (pretty famous), and he was talking about marriage values. And I had just seen his behavior at a party, and I kept thinking. "Really? Really? You BELIEVE these words?" But I realized self-deception is a dangerous thing. HONESTY. Another keeper. :-)
Starbucks:
Resentment festers. It really is something not good for our health--mental or physical. And if you meet someone who has let it take over their life, they come across as so toxic.
And I have to say, disapproval . . . big theme in my life last year. It was really startling to me, because I expected the lesson I would learn is forgiveness. But it wasn't. I had already "been there, done that" life lesson. What I learned was a much colder indifference to people who do not matter, and a bringing closer and deeper into my life the people who do. Like putting a fortress around myself. Not resentful. Not angry. Not mean-spirited. But purposefully excising that which is unhealthy. And most definitely "myself."
It helps if you know you've made a mistake. Some of us are clueless.
Richmond:
Good point. I have a wise friend who always assesses the party/conversation/interaction after she leaves it. Did she walk away "feeling good" about it. This is not just from her OWN perspective (i.e., do I have a nagging feeling that perhaps I hurt so-and-so's feelings), but also from the perspective of "is this a healthy person for me to be around." I think it's about developing that insight, sometimes a conversation at a time.
I'm amused, because if I have one, you mentioned it at the end: Just do it.
I'm sure there are others, but the only one I've really vocalized to myself is that. Despite any whining or complaining or equivocating or delays, it all comes down to whether or not it (whatever it is) gets done.
Want to write a novel? Just do it.
Want to learn to lay the guitar? Just do it.
Want to spend more time with your kids? Just do it.
Sure, I don't "do" everything I want to or set my goals for, but for the most part, I think I'm pretty good about just doing it. Shut your mouth and do it. Don't make excuses. Do it.
Mark:
You're totally right. In that way, we control our destiny. We control whether life is going to be a bunch of regrets or not. I am thankful that a combination of (I assume) genetics and upbringing have made me self-directed. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about . . . I just do.
Love this post. My writing friends and I chose one word to describe our coming year, sort of a one word mission statement. My word is FAITH. Not so much in the organized-religion sense, but in the trusting that things will work out sense... assuming the best, rather than the worst. And keeping forward momentum, even in small steps.
Cathy:
I'm going to borrow that as a New Year's tradition. What a great way to guide yourself for the coming year--and even neater if you see the word change each year. I like faith--since one of my goals this year is to STOP WORRYING.
For the writing - I keep thinking I need a business plan - something a bit more formal in the way of goals, milestones, commitment in writing. I haven't written one yet. I think about it, but I haven't put it in b&w. It's not concrete if it stays in my head. I can waver in my commitment because it's not on paper in front of me.
My day job has all these trainings and sayings and codes of conduct and it just isn't a way of life there. The training is another box to check and move on. There are subtle shifts that add up over time, but it's not some 'here's what we're doing now, so do it - now' kind of thing.
Each person has their own set of ethics that impacts on the corporate set. Sometimes in a good way and sometimes not.
One of my favorite sayings - you can't think your way into better acting, but you can act your way into better thinking.
My Buddha on my nightstand has Kindliness written under it. And the rock next to it says Play.
I picked the Buddha based on the word. The rock was given to me years ago by someone I worked with on a short musical.
I've never had one, either. I don't know. Maybe to love and accept and understand people. I'm not perfect at it. Some people are more difficult than others, LOL. :-)
I'm definitely big on honesty. It's a huge thing with me. I am always perplexed and fascinated at people who lie to themselves, though. Do they really believe their lies?
Truthfully I try to live by the words of my Dad when he told me "Bloom where you're planted" and Tim Gunn when he told countless designers to "Make it work" both are pretty much the same idea. Nomatter where I'm at, I can bloom so long as I allow myself to.
Sarah:
Interesting . . . I haven't worked in a corporate environment in a LONG time. Most of the trainings I went through seemed so silly--because fundamentally the negative people remained the SAME. Enlightenment doesn't magically happen. But I do think you can likely affect a corporate culture enough, perhaps, that the negative folks stick out and are removed over time. I feel like that's the Jack Welch way, if you think about it.
As for the sayings, I have so many little reminders around, and I wonder--should I stick them away somewhere, they are clutter. But then at some moment I will find a rock like that or the Buddha and find myself re-directed. :-)
AND . . . love the idea of a writing business plan!!
Natasha:
I think they do. I think the still quiet voice I think of as my conscience or my God-center is less developed in some people. Maybe they don't really have a still quiet voice. It's like when I see "Christians" (using air quotes there) as talking heads on extreme opinion shows screaming homophobic things, for example. I wonder . . . "Did you even READ the Bible?" I can't imagine they do--if they did they could not allow such trash to really permeate their speech. Yet I think they are in utter denial about it.
Johnny:
Two utterly awesome ones. Because one is about letting the SHINING wonderfulness about you bloom no matter where you are and what circumstances, and the other is about the practicality of just doing it. :-) Yin and yang.
I need two words: Be nice.
Whatever, wherever, just be nice. Sometimes it's hard to remember.
Although being too nice gets you into trouble too. People take advantage when you try to be nice.
:(
Aimless:
One of my best friends in the whole world has the mantra "Be kind." And she has spent the last year or so excising the unkind folks from her life and really getting in touch with the serenity of using that as a mantra. She radiates peacefulness. A good one--even IF the world takes advantage. Because would you want to be one of the not-nice ones??? I sure wouldn't. :-)
I'm with Richmond Writer. Owning personal errors is key, IMHO, toward forgiveness. Last year I erred with two friends. I dug deep inside to find the error of my ways, then I owned it, and then I apologized. One out of two accepted and now we are on our way to mending the fence. The other? Well, that's life, isn't it? Some people just like grudge vs. moving on.
So, I have two core values (today): Own it; make it right.
Kath
I have never not accepted an earnest apology. We ALL err ...
Erica,
This is my first time here, and I like your ideas.
I have a commitment to write about what I know. I don't mean to put myself in a box. No, I mean to share my life journey through fiction and later nonfiction about depression, mental illness, and suicide.
Hard subjects, but I am the one for the job. First my mother and then my son both suffered years of misery, and then died by their own hands.
It was a harsh journey for them, and I'll be dog gone if I'll waste what I know. I won't. I'll use what I experienced with them to help others and of course it'll help me the most.
Thanks for the question.
Jean:
Powerful . . .
And the best of fiction, I truly believe, comes from writing from that place--what you know intimately and what has left a mark on your heart. Thanks for dropping by the blog and for sharing.
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