What I Can't Live Without
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After an Erica Orloff world record of six solid nights of insomnia . . . I, for the first time ever, took a teaspoon of Benadryl last night. Yes, other novelists, actors, creative types can get lured into the dark side of drugs. But me? A teaspoon of Benadrayl and sheer exhaustion gave me a whopping . . 7 hours of sleep, four of it uninterrupted by Demon Children, nightmares, slamming doors of teenagers (that was this morning) and thoughts of all the stress in my life.
It's amazing how my perspective on the world shifts after actually getting some sleep. You see, insomnia is a new phenomenon in my life. Four kids, one almost 18, one only 2, my father feeling unwell, advance checks delayed by a snowstorm in the Midwest (the joys of freelance life--checks NEVER come when you need them, they come a week AFTER you need them), and so on.
But as a writer? Well, it's not like I can go in a cubicle and "hide" from my boss after not sleeping. I AM my own boss, and I am, quite frankly, rather demanding.
So the simple pleasure of sleep for this writer is . . . awesome. Other simple writing pleasures include, for me, Demon Baby actually falling RIGHT TO SLEEP at 7:15 p.m., caramel macchiattos with soy milk from Starbucks, my iPod Shuffle playing songs that get me rolling (my iPod is psychic--it KNOWS when I MUST hear the Cure, or Cake, versus my want-to-slit-my-wrists Howard Shore-composed violin solos), and some days, realizing I MAKE STUFF UP FOR A LIVING.
I have learned over the years, that some of the things I THOUGHT I needed to write were just bullsh*t. I mean, I spent nearly ALL of my adolescence thinking I needed an attic room like Jo in Little Women. This evolved to my contemplating sharing studio space with an artist for my "writing space." I told myself I needed silence. Then had four kids and three dogs, AND a parrot thrown in for good measure.
I have come to the conclusion the two things I need are . . . sleep . . . and my computer. I NEED sleep. I can go two nights, even three, and still function, but then, my friends, there is a wall. But that attic space? Right now, it just has Christmas decorations in it.
So what can't you live without? And what illusions have you let go of?
23 comments:
I secretly think sleep is a waste of time. Think of all we could get done if we didn't have to sleep. However the dark circles under my eyes belay the truth. We do need it. If for nothing other then saving money on all that under eye concealer (which I never got the hang of applying)
I had rotator cuff surgery in Sept. Sleep only came with drugs and I spent a lot of nights wandering the house wishing I had some moors to walk on like in those old historicals.
If benedryl works, I say go for it. If you were doing it every night I'd worry. Once in a while? eh.
Aimless:
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would love to forego it.
But my insanity when I don't get sleep tells me otherwise.
E
I'm certainly healthier when I get decent and regular sleep, but I sometimes think it's a waste of time, as well.
I used to have quite a bit of insomnia, and that's more or less gone now, although a night where I sleep all the way through the night is rare.
A lot of physical exercise during the day helps.
My wife has, for years, said, when asked, "What do you want for your birthday (mother's day/anniversary/if a genie could grant you three wishes) always said:
"Twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep."
I adore my sleep, and get a lot of it. But I also know my life is completely opposite yours and chaotic is seldom a term that enters my life. So I'm lucky, and know it. :-)
Though I wouldn't say I get steady sleep. The Hubby is a snorer. This is the year I get him to a doctor and find a cure for that nasty condition. For my own sanity.
I think some people thrive in chaos better than others, yes? I mean, if I were in your world, I'd be a gibbering stack of bones sitting out on the front step waiting for the crazy truck to come pick me up. No offense meant at all. I just don't do all that energy and wonder and emergency and lack of sleep. And I wonder if you'd go absolutely nuts in my world of quiet and stillness and mind-boggling calm?
:-)
How funny. I, too, always pictured needing this or that in order to write, but in reality it's just a way to justify procrastination. Well, I can't write, because I don't have a writing space of my own, or the perfect pen, or two solid hours to concentrate, or whatever. The truth is, if I'm determined and fired up, I'll get it written. If I'm not, I'll make excuses until I force myself to buckle down. Because in reality, anything I have--or lack--is nothing compared to having to write by hand in the light of a candle flame, knowing that I can't even publish under my own name because I'm female, like many authors who came before me. Suddenly having to curl up on the futon in my living room isn't such a sacrifice.
I'm finding I can write in relative chaos and I'm actually getting better at writing "on demand", however I NEED the peace that comes with sending my children off to their father's every other weekend to recharge. It not only makes me a better parent, it makes me a better human. And that's got to be good for the environment.
Mark:
I am SO there on that wish.
Pure bliss.
E
Michele:
There are days I wait for the crazy truck.
:-)
E
booklady:
Thanks for that--what a true reminder.
E
Amie:
There are days I wish I could send them to camp for a weekend.
But most of the time, I love having them all here.
E
p.S. Recharge batteries? What's that???? LOL!
Erica, I battle insomnia from time to time. I have the house to myself most days, and I love quiet time. But, I also created stories amid chaos when my girls were home. I prefer now for writing. hehe. And my perception has changed too on what I think I need. I have my loft office now, the my-space I always dreamed about, and I still have to get my butt in the chair. So, like someone else said, our wishes can become procrastinating things too. I'm trying to shake that monster!
Coffee...
and my computer...
but mostly just a kick-in-the-ass.
Chaos I can handle. Noise I can handle. Interruptions are tough, but do-able. Getting myself to sit in the chair, open the document, and participate in creating is the biggest hurdle... well, talking myself out of the "you can't do this" rant in my head is the hardest part - taking the action of sitting in the chair is second hardest.
I swear Erica, if you ever come out here to SoCal I will personally take the kids off you hands for as long as you want.
Coffee...
and my computer...
but mostly just a kick-in-the-ass.
Chaos I can handle. Noise I can handle. Interruptions are tough, but do-able. Getting myself to sit in the chair, open the document, and participate in creating is the biggest hurdle... well, talking myself out of the "you can't do this" rant in my head is the hardest part - taking the action of sitting in the chair is second hardest.
I swear Erica, if you ever come out here to SoCal I will personally take the kids off you hands for as long as you want.
Hi ladonna:
I tell myself one day I will sleep enough. :-)
It might be twenty years from now. But one day.
E
Sleep.
Laptop.
High Speed Internet for moments of panic and self-doubt.
Magnet Therapy. (They keep my hips/back/wrists functional.)
Water or Tea.
Blanket. (Cold-natured)
My list is growing...
Maybe I've missed the point. ;)
Hi Ewoh:
I have all those challenges--and butt in chair issues--too.
And you are most kind. :-)
But I wouldn't subject anyone to Demon. His imagination is in OVERDRIVE.
Today?????? You sitting????????
He went to the pantry while I was on the phone, and took out all the Jello boxes. About ten of them. When I got off the phone, I told him to put them all back.
"No. They TOLD me they wanted me to free them."
"Free them? From jello prison?"
"Yes."
"They spoke to you."
"Yes. They TOLD me."
"Put them back anyway."
I settled him with soup and lunch. Then later was cleaning up from messes down here, when I heard him upstairs. He had placed all his freed Jello boxes in my large roman bath tub/jacuzzi.
Horrible visions overcame me at that point.
E
Hi Heather:
I would be lost without the internet too. And not just the blog, but the research.
E
And Aimless . . .
Never tried the Benadryl before. I just knew when I took Remicade treatment, I always got injections of it to keep my body from rejecting the treatment. And I ALWAYS passed out before the three-hour infusion was up. Figured it was worth a shot,
E
hehe @ the benedryll thing. That's freaking funny. And yeah, it'll knock you out. They should market it as a sleep aide, and then say: "Side effects, may help allergies"
I definitely need sleep. And I need exercise. It's hard for me to think straight or not get depressed or anxious without it. And it's hard to write when you're mind is running around freaking out over everything but the work.
Zoe:
That would be quite a slogan!
E
Wow, Erica. That had to be miserable torture. I'm so glad you got some sleep!
I couldn't write without a computer, or sleep. And I can write without DH around, but life is sure better and easier when he is.
Hi Spy:
Hope you are feeling better.
:-)
Toothaches are no fun!
E
I know I am VERY lucky to have an ex who takes them on a regular schedule. Otherwise, I'm not sure what I'd do!
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