Character on the Couch
A short time ago, our friend Kathy asked me (the blog) to subject her character to examination. To analysis, if you will. So with a nod to Woody Allen, we're sticking another character into analysis today. Jude Hardin is revising his novel, and this is how he presents his character and premise:
RAUK AND A HARD PLACE
GENRE: MYSTERY-THRILLER
STORY: When a teenage runaway case turns into a murder and kidnapping, private investigator Thomas Rauk is drawn into a labyrinth of conspiracy and betrayal involving an international stem cell cartel. When Rauk finally locates the runaway, a bomb is strapped to her chest and a sniper has the only exit covered. The clock is ticking, and there appears to be no way out.
Thomas Rauk: Despite an abusive stepfather, he became a child prodigy on guitar. At twenty-five, he crawled away from a plane crash and watched his band go up in flames. Now, at forty-five, he’s a private investigator and a recovering addict, still living with the guilt and anger only a sole survivor knows. He longs for, and fears, intimacy. If you’re a friend, he’ll take a bullet for you. If you’re an enemy, watch out.
Jude wants to know if this sounds "viable." What do you want to know about this character?
I have to say . . . that I like the idea of a guitar hero as a private eye (in fact, you can read about Demon Baby's Guitar Hero adventures over here). I think it's something that would stand out if developed. I have a few questions:
What kind of guitarist? We don't often hear about child prodigies on guitar except in cases like Jimi Hendrix. And this man who passed away a day or two ago, sadly. Even my much-adored Guy Davis, whom I have blogged about, took it up as an adult. It tells me something if Jude's character is a former metal-head/hair band guy (at this character's age, he could be), or a blues guitarist. Two different types of players/bands/friends. Music is really particular that way. And I would presume--but don't know--that music thematically would run through this book. Was the private eye a former jazz player? It's not important to me, but is he African-American and maybe used to play in predominantly "black" clubs with Miles Davis? Coltrane? A different experience than playing with Poison. You know? It totally forms the character, I think. But I don't know.
Two . . . I have to be honest, I "hate" set-ups that are gimmicky. So . . . if I was to hear a pitch like this, and I KNOW it's a thriller concept, but the whole "strapped to the chest and sniper" thing would make me have a negative reaction. Bad guys should simply kill people. They don't need snipers and things that somehow--and this is where we KNOW the book is going . . . --are there to bring the hero to that point in the book, so he has 30 seconds to save the girl and the world, when simply, like the bomber at the Atlanta Olympics, most bad guys simply do their mayhem and don't invent a "climax" to the book by delaying death with a girl-strapped-to-bomb drama. I know there are cases of dramatic sorts of bad guys, I know you can point to exceptions, but it's like the end of many a thriller when the bad guy has "confession" and we find out all his motivations. And he conveniently talks for long enough for SWAT to come in and kill him. I hate that.
Which brings me, most importantly, to . . . though I don't know this character, because you haven't described him enough for me, it "sounds" like you could be writing a very character-driven piece. Depending on whether the hero is developed, whether it's really about his chance at redemption and easing his survivor guilt . . . this could be a compelling look at a certain world. A certain guy. But then you have a gimmicky "big" set-up/premise. So to me, I feel . . . like they work at cross-purposes in the pitch. Which is admittedly . . . a pitch. So on the one hand, you don't have a lot of room to explain. On the other hand, you've got 60-seconds to make an editor belive the concept will work.
So that's my analysis. Blog readers? What do you think of this character? What do you want to know? How could this pitch be ?
And finally . . . a quote from Woody Allen, a man obsessed with analysis:
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
So . . . let's dissect this character for regular blog visitor Jude. And again, if you want to subject your character/work-in-progress to this process . . . email me at erica@ericaorloff.com
Peace,
E
43 comments:
I think the bomb strapped to her chest/sniper at the door thing is good except I'd need some motivation here. Why is this bad guy torturing him/them and not just killing them? Old grudge? Is there a connection our hero will find out about at the 11th hour?
I don't think, at this point, I need the abusive father/plane crash stuff. I'm thinking-sheesh, what else can we put here to torture this soul?
Give me more of the important stuff and leave off the clutter.
I think you may have something good here, but its not showing in your blurb.
Thanks so much for doing this, Erica.
Tom Rauk was (is) a rocker, but he never had much time for the hair bands, the metal heads, and the glamor boys. Based in Jacksonville, Florida, along with bands like Lynard Skynard, .38Special, and Molly Hatchett, his band played "the real shit," i.e. blues-oriented rock and "outlaw" country. Rauk's band (tentatively named Colt .45) paved the way for other southern acts like Drivin' and Cryin' and The Black Crowes.
I might include some real legends who still live in the area. For example, Tom Rauk waves back when he sees Johnny Van Zant heading down County Road 218 in his white Escalade. :)
Hi Jude --
Like Erica, I *really* like the guitar-playing past. He reminds me a little bit of Larry Underwood in Stephen King's THE STAND. It's a potential window into Rauk's passions. And I like that he's trying to rescue a runaway, though I have seen that external plot play out many a time in thrillers.
What I really want to know about him is what he's passionate about, what he wants more than anything in the world. What's the worst thing you could do to this guy. And how the external story hammers right on his weaknesses, hits him where it hurts the very worst. I know I sound sadistic...but I want to believe Rauk can transcend!
The other thing I want to know about is his present. What are his connections to the world? Does he have a family? Children? A lover? How does his past affect his present, and do these people he loves stand in the way of his other passions?
And where does he live? I'm a big setting fan...this story would play out completely differently in San Francisco vs. Moscow.
OK -- I'll stop now :) I think this is a very cool character, and if you dig into the above motivations, external plots will start jumping out at you demanding to be written...he sounds like a great series character in the making.
MicheleL
Hi Aimless:
Hmm. Erica liked the character stuff, and you were drawn more by the (admittedly) "gimmicky" hook.
So maybe there's something decent about both. :)
I think you're absolutely right, though. The villain's motive needs to be hinted at up front for this type of plot to work.
Jude:
Just to clarify . . . it's not that I don't think the "save the world" stuff can work (even though I don't like it) . . . it just seems like it, on the surface, straddles two worlds/genres. Which could be a good thing. I don't know. :-)
E
Michele:
Damn . . . you're GOOD at this!!!
E
I never like the “James Bondian” setups for bad guys doing people in…unless you are deliberately trying for that almost humorous setup. I think the bomb/sniper setup would have to be developed very carefully in order for me to suspend my disbelief. Why is it necessary to have the bomb/sniper setup? What are the stakes? Are we just rescuing a runaway, or is there something bigger at stake? Does the detective know about the sniper? If he does, then the bad guys should shoot their sniper. The whole point of sniping is not being discovered until the shot is made and even then to take advantage of confusion so that the sniper can escape. As described, it seems he does know about the sniper.
It’s a movie cliché for the bomb to be on a time fuse…how bloody convenient for the good guy. Some sort of trip mechanism or a command detonation would make more sense if you are trying to lure the good guy in to kill him with a bomb. But it all goes back to the basic question of why the elaborate setup? There has to be purpose beyond simply killing the runaway and your detective, because otherwise the setup is a waste of energy for the bad guy.
Hi Michele:
Thanks! Great questions. When I develop the full synopsis, I'll keep all that in mind.
The story is set in and around Jacksonville, Florida, which hosts a fairly eclectic mixture of cultures and attitudes. It's a gritty river city, but also located on the beautiful Atlantic shore. Somewhere between the deep south and the tropics, it's a setting with a lot of potential, I think.
jlk:
We seem to have identical perceptions of that. Believe me, I've drawn things out in writing suspense, sometimes, but even as I do it, I know . . . something's "not quite right" about it. Especially since I think a lot of evil is done without . . . explanation. Sometimes a bad guy is driven to confess. But I think a lot of times . . . they just blow the good guy away. In a blink.
E
JLK and Erica:
That scenario's starting to sound a little silly to me, too. :)
May have to rethink that.
Thanks!
Hey Jude,
Here's my 1/100 of $2.00...
First, remember that bank robbery gone wrong, where that guy had a bomb strapped to his neck and said the bad guys would blow it up unless the police let him do the money drop? The police never let him go, and the bomb exploded, killing him. They later found out this guy was actually in on the heist (now that's committment). I can see your bomb/sniper scenario working if it's part of a larger plan such as that, to draw the hero away, or somehow gain leverage. In other words, I think the bomb/sniper scenario can work if it's the BEGINNING of the story.
As for the character--here's my question. How is this guy uniquely suited for his role in this story? What skills/attributes does he possess that will enable him to eventually overcome whatever obstacles you put in his path? I think the tortured-soul hero works, but it's often paired with a skill-set that makes our hero unique. In terms of action movies, I'm thinking Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon or John Rambo in the Rambo flicks. These guys were screwed up, but they were also exceptionally well suited for their particular stories. They succeeded IN SPITE of their flaws.
In this case, I don't see a clear connect between his background and the story you're telling. What qualifies him to be a private investigator? Why can he succeed at this task where others might fail?
JVZ
Okay, there's really two parts here. Essentially I agree with Erica's analysis, but, we're talking about character and we're talking about plot.
So, character. This is a nice bit, actually. Have you read Jonathan Kellerman's novella in Capital Crimes? The two cops are ex-musicians.
Anyway, I'm intrigued by this. I think there's something interesting there. I'm curious: who else was on the plane? Was it just his band? His girlfriend? Wife? That can be powerful motivation if you handle it right. Why the switch to PI? Was it something he felt needed finishing?
Actually, a story idea that pops into my head is how the plane crashes and kills everybody on board except him, and once he recovers, the TSA decides it wasn't an accident, it was sabotage and your main character tries to find out who. Hmmm... if you don't go with it, I might.
I think you should be careful how big a success you make this character in music. Is he struggling? Why is he willing to leave music? Maybe he hasn't. PIs can struggle to make ends meet, too.
I like the idea of the character. Depends on how you develop him, but the kernel is interesting.
Black market stem cells. Interesting. Never heard of that, although in my experience, anything regulated typically has a black market.
I'm a little uneasy about the bomb-strapped-to-the-girl thing, at least in this context. If it was some sort of terrorist threat, yes. Governor's daughter? Businessman's daughter? Head of the CDC's daughter? And this is the way for the bad guy to hold her for ransom or revenge or whatever, but Thomas steps in and rescues her, but can't get the bomb off her sort of thing. Sort of Hollywood, but I can see how you might make it work.
Mark: I love the idea of the plane crash possibly being a result of sabotage. I'm stealing that, dude. :)
JVZ:
Clearly you've done this before, dude. ;-)
(And for anyone who doesn't know/deduce, I am "outing" him as a member of my writers' group. The guy SLAYS me every two weeks and I'm a better writer for it.) ;-)
E
Jude,
Run with it.
Hi Jon:
I think you bring up some very good points.
The PI gig is sort of Rauk's second chance at life after years of shooting and snorting his music royalties away. He still plays music in clubs, but doesn't make enough money to pay the bills. He likes the idea of "giving back" as something of a public servant without giving up being his own boss.
He's not a martial arts expert or ex-Special Forces military, but he's a survivor and he gives a damn.
And, of course, being a PI helps in his ongoing investigation of the possible sabotage that caused the plane crash. :)
Jude:
Actually . . . . the more you describe him, the less I "get" him. Most people who "give back" have a calling. They do good works because they give a damn, but it comes from someplace within (for me, the idea/concept of social justice). Nothing as you've presented him would lead me to think he's a PI to "give back." To what? To whom?
Most PI cases in the real world aren't missing persons. They're divorce cases (is my spouse cheating? get me proof!). Sometimes it's a runaway, but not often. There are not hundreds of "give back" cases as a PI.
Why does he "give a damn"? And how does that intersect with being a PI? It just doesn't feel gelled to me.
Hey, Jude... (and hi, Erica).
"He's a survivor and he gives a damn."
That makes sense, and I like that he's driven by a sense of civic duty. If it's his time to give back, that's great. It makes him sympathetic and likeable.
I guess I'm thinking in terms of story structure a little bit. There will come a moment in this story when your character will be the ONLY guy in the room who can resolve your obstacle. In a hostage scenario, he will likely be surrounded by cops and other people who also give a damn and are likely better trained to handle the situation. So why him?
He doesn't have to be a martial arts expert or former special forces. In Sherlock Holmes, the inspector's gift was merely very strong powers of observation and deduction. In John D. MacDonald's cheesy Travis McGee books, the hero was distinguished by his ability to take a god-awful beating. Clarise was picked for her ability to empathize with, and draw out, Hannibal Lechter during their prison interviews.
I think his backstory only matters *this* much in the context of your story (especially with thrillers) ... and it only matters in as much as it reflects on the action and determines the choices Hauk makes as the story unfolds. But if it's not integral to the story, then I say cut it.
I agree, by the way, with Mark that a blackmarket in stem cells is really cool and has tons of potential for international intrigue. Good luck with it.
JVZ
Hi Erica:
Maybe "giving back" isn't exactly the right terminology...
He was helped a great deal by Narcotics Anonymous, so he wants to give back in that sense.
You know, he wants to be a good guy now and try to help other people after so many years of "taking" and time wasted on drinking and drugging. He's probably seeking some sort of redemption for himself as much as he's wanting to give back to others.
Any profession can be a noble one, I think, if your heart's in the right place.
And none of this is set in stone. Some if it is gelling as we speak. :)
Jude:
I agree. There are many, many noble professions. But I don't see the "calling" as you describe it, in the PI game. Which to me doesn't offer a "giving back" thing in an obvious sense. WHY does he feel the calling to be a PI. Now that Mark gave you that cool idea, I could see it. ;-)
Also . . . to me, people who 12-step are a certain "type" when they want to give back. An active twelve-stepping philosophy involving meetings and so on--which was missing from this descriptor. He sounds like a loner.
E
'K, I'm with bombing the bomb, mainly for the reasons Mark listed. A runaway doesn't seem 'big' enough, unless, as Mark said, she's the daughter of...someone.
For you to mention his musical background, it must be a bigger part of who he is than what comes across here and I think you could play that up a good bit. You say he became a prodigy 'despite' an abusive stepparent, but I wondered if he became a prodigy because of the abusive step parent, escaping into music to buffer himself from an unhappy home life. So in that sense, music is a salvation that ultimately became his damnation.
As a rocker, that spells rebel, which you could also use to justify his becoming a PI. Maybe the abusive stepfather was a hard nosed cop and becoming a PI suits Rauk's ef the establishment persona???
The other thing I'd want to know is who he'd take a bullet for.
Lainey:
WOW! Another really good critiquer. You brought up some great points, I think.
I even think "prodgiy" is a tricky thing. There are geniuses, and there are prodigies, which is a whole 'nother ballgame. AND, the person who truly WAS a prodigy is very much a product of those gifts, I think. (There are whole studies on that . . . and if you are interested, research Yo-Yo Ma's SISTER who works with prodigies after her own breakdown).
E
E
Hi Jon:
Travis Mcgee cheesy??!?!?! Blasphemer!!!
;)
Hi Lainey:
You guys are giving me great ideas. Thanks!
Erica:
I'm thinking Mark's idea is going to be a good motivator for him becoming a PI.
Jude:
I think an element like that speaks to a calling. And it can ALSO hover over a series of books . . . this back story of something that he desperately wants to solve but eludes him.
To THAT end . . . I would say you may want to "start" with that . . . and then have the search for that bring him other cases. So, though the stem cell thing is cool, maybe keep it in the music biz or keep the mysteries somehow intersecting with his back story but still keeping the elusive one there, unsolved.
For example . . . let's say you take him AWAY from Jacksonville and plant him in Nashville, NYC, or LA, someplace with some music heavyweights . . . and he intersects that way. I think it goes back to the quirk factor. If you give him this back story AND prodgy status, then I think it has to be an important literary thread. Music is so central to my life . . . so I can understand how it can thread through a book, I think,
E
Erica, I'm with you. I am immediately turned off the bomb strapped to chest scenario. If Jude can do it well and believably, hats off to him, but if I was an agent, having this as the focus of the blurb would turn me off. Maybe take another, more unique, angle?
Michelle;
That's the tricky thing. I sat across the table from an executive editor at Dutton who said, "I give a writer three chapters, max." Most editors give you a query, a few pages, see if they're engaged. They're just SO busy. So . . . a lot of us "shorthand" what we like and don't like. We readers do it in the bookstore--read the back cover and decide if it's for us or not. When you toss a cliche into the mix, a lot of us just stop in our tracks.
E
Erica:
Exactly!!!!
Michelle:
I think I'll put the whole bomb thing on the back burner for now.
Erica:
I agree. We get very little time to intrigue an agent, editor, or buyer in the store.
I don't know if the show will end up being very good (the premier was so-so, IMO), but I like the tag line for New Amsterdam:
He has a badge. He has a gun. He's four hundred years old...
Makes me want to know more, which is our goal in as few words as possible.
Jude:
What we call "high concept."
Your musician doesn't necessarily have to have been successful. Or he and his band could have been on the way up, or on their way to LA to sign contracts for a bit album and now that the band's dead, so are the contracts and his career. Maybe he's got a best friend or father or stepfather or mother or sister who runs an P.I. agency and offers to have him come on board to earn some money while he gets his life back together again.
There are a lot of ways you can do it.
Jude,
My time on the "Couch" was extremely helpful--I've been writing, which is why I've been lurking occasionally. (Thank's again, Erica!)
STORY: When a teenage runaway case turns into a murder and kidnapping, private investigator Thomas Rauk is drawn into a labyrinth of conspiracy and betrayal involving an international stem cell cartel. [OMIT bomb/sniper scenario] Deep within an underworld of genetic espionage and intrigue, for Rauk and the internationally acclaimed scientist's (empahsis whose) daughter, the clock is ticking, and there appears to be no way out.
Love the guitar aspect!
Kathy
I was going to start with how much I disliked the bomb thing as cliche but realized you have already gotten rid of it, so instead I wanted to say that I am so intrigued by the whole he walked away from a plane wreck while his whole band was killed. Woh! Tell me more about that!
Hi Kathy:
My experience here is proving to be extremely useful as well. Thanks for your input!
Hi Ello:
My backstory idea is based very loosely on the Lynard Skynard plane crash in 1977, where some of the passengers survived.
In my guy's case he was the ONLY survivor, which I think makes for some interesting psychology.
Now, thanks to the gang here, I have additional "what ifs" and character ideas to work with.
Thanks everyone!!!!!!
Question:
How does everyone feel about the character's name (homonym for "rock," of course) and using it for titles in the series?
Rauk and a Hard Place
Rauk Steady
Rauk You Like a Hurricane
Etc...
Anyone have some more title ideas using Rauk?
Love the name!
Rauk on....
I like the name if you don't overdo the obvious sound alikes. To me the bomb strapped to the chest idea is overdone and usually not that well.
Really like the sole survivor of the plane crash, finds out it was sabatoge, underground stem cell market concept. It would be easy to weave his background into that story.
Thanks, Aimless!
anti-wife:
I'm feeling pretty good about the character now myself. Thanks!
Post a Comment