I Need a Laugh
Amuse me, blog readers.
To me, nothing is better than writing a great one-liner into my work-in-progress. I think I am a frustrated stand-up comic.
My favorite lines are from The Roofer. It is NOT a comedy. But even killers and mob men can be funny. Both lines are "stolen" from real-life, from my dad. I repeat them often. For comic effect--not for how I live my life.
A day without larceny is like a day without sunshine.
If you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough.
One of my favorite one-liners of all time was uttered by mathemtician Paul Erdos (once again, I am nudging Stephen to tell me his Erdos lecture story). It is:
God may not play dice with the universe, but something strange is going on with the prime numbers.
I love that! A great math theory joke. Only a math geek like me would enjoy it. But isn't it funny??
One-liners can be used to calm down an angry situation, to add levity to a serious one, to reveal an awful lot about a character (and Lord knows, my dad is a character).
So . . . I am facing a horrid week with horrid deadlines, personal stresses and assorted bits of hell. Amuse me. What is your favorite one-liner from your work-in-progress? Or one you just like to utter to amuse yourself.
Peace,
E
P.S. I forgot to add, if YOU need a laugh at the expense of MY ridiculous life, read the Demon Baby post that is up right now. I promise you, you will never look at vanilla ice cream the same again.
30 comments:
Okay. I don't know if it'll make you laugh, but it might make you smile. It's from Hot Money, the manuscript that's just starting to make the rounds.
The alarm went off at six-thirty and I promptly rolled over and shut it off and went back to sleep. I also called it names, none of them complimentary. Around nine or so I woke up and called BB at the office.
“I saw you on TV this morning.” He sounded bright-eyed and bushytailed, which is fine if you’re a squirrel. For human beings, it was up for debate.
“How’d I look?” I said.
“Mostly saw your ass.”
“I’m told it’s world class.”
“Eh. So-so. What’s up?”
Mark:
You amused me. :-)
Sounds like a lot of fun. Very natural dialogue.
E
This is from real life (a conversation with my son), but it might make it into book dialogue some day:
Son: Didn't they put bison on money a long time ago?
Me: You mean buffalo? Like buffalo nickels?
Son: Oh. Then what do people mean when they talk about bison-tennial coins?
Jude:
Oh, that's a good one!!! :-) I love when kids mangle things. Or adults even mangling song lyrics.
From Thing 2, who is seven:
"If you were a volcano, you'd be active."
***
(Backdrop. Thing 2 is dressed up like Spongebob).
Thing 2: What do I look like?
Thing 1: Cheese.
Thing 2: MOM!!!
***
Thing 2 doing karoake to "Born in the USA"
Bored, in the USA. Bored, in the USA.
That's all I have for now.
Hope your week perks up!
:-)
I find that the amount of humor I add to my WIP depends on the day and my mood more, even, than on my scene. In my opinion, though, the greatest example of using humor to change a mood is in Steel Magnolias, right after the funeral, when Sally Fields's character snarls that she really wants to hit someone, and Olympia Dukakis grabs Wheezer, pushes her forward and says something like, "Here! Hit Wheezer!" It's the perfect dose of humor at the perfect moment. And the best part of it is that to really get it you have to understand the characters, which means that they were doing something right beyond just the one-liner.
Mangled song lyrics and a laugh from when Tech was in Demon Baby era. He has always always loved music of all kinds, and when he was about 3, got hooked on Bob Marley, the favorite song? Jammin', which went like this:
"Pajamas. I wear pajamas with you. Pajamas, pajamas,pajamas, pajamas, I hope ya like pajamas too."
For the full laugh, you must picture little white boy in spider-man jammies doing the full reggae style head bop and really feeeling the music.
We still tease him about it. :)
He punishes us by playing it on the banjo until we beg for a reprieve.
I've had more than one person tell me I should write humor. Every time, I've had to prevent myself from saying, "Are you crazy?"
I have no creativity when it comes to coming up with humor.
It's not a one-liner, but I thought it was hilarious when what's-his-name (I never can remember names, sorry) from The Roofer was cheating for cereal. That's priceless.
Christine:
Thanks for the Bored in the USA one. Very cute!!
E
Lainey:
I LOVE it! Laughed out loud.
E
Spy:
Ah, yes, Uncle Two Times, cheating for Cheerios!!!
E
Watch this. It cheered me right up.
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/archive/2008/02/24/tina-fey-bitch-is-the-new-black.aspx
I'm sad to say that at the moment I just cannot think of any one-liners... but I do have a link that will make you laugh out loud if not spew what ever you are currently drinking (you've been warned).
http://icanhascheezburger.com/
I hope it helps relieve some of the stress.
The post on DB was freaking funny. Reminds me of several occasions when I had not child-proofed well enough - lets just say that crayon and sponge-bob stickers are hard to remove from walls, tv screens, and refrigerators... at least I no longer have to check the dish washing machine for the phone before I run it :)
Al my one liners come from The Princess Bride or the Godfather. My favorite being.
You keep saying that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.
And, Fredo, I know it was you, you broke my heart, you broke my heart.
I find that these one liners are incredibly useful in many real life situations. For example, anytime someone tries to impress you with a large word for the first one and whenever the kids do something bad with that last one.
ewoh and Mark . . .
OMG. Laughed out loud.
Ewoh, my fave was the one of the guy with tinfoil on his head.
E
ello:
Funny . . . I spout Godfather lines, too.
E
I work 7P-7A in a hospital, so around nine or ten o'clock (especially when a doctor is within earshot) I like to say, "It's too late to get anything done tonight."
Also, when someone asks to borrow a stethoscope (especially a doctor) I like to paraphrase Chris Walken's line from Pulp Fiction: "I held this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. I now give the stethoscope to you."
I write contemporary romantic comedies. These are from HAIRASSMENT. Hope you enjoy-
"I didn't trust him so much as I was hammered."
"Yeah and two days ago I was riding him like a pony."
"We're BUSINESS partners, not lesbians."
"This is your fault. Why couldn't you have given me the card of an ugly, fat, married Detective?"
"Ok, not a good opening line because Hilda could bitch louder and longer than a drunken celebutant on TMZ."
My all time favorite;
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Jude:
LOVE that bit from Pulp Fiction.
E
Hi Beth:
My favorite parts of writing romantic comedies are the dialogue bits.
E
anti-wife . . .
I often feel that way. :-)
E
I just made my deadline and my brain is fried- though I'm sending good vibes your way . . .in hopes that it all gets better soon- very soon!
And hey, at least Demon Baby had the good sense to strip down before he dove in-- very practical!
alyson:
Yes. There are times when his innate intelligence amuses me to no end.
E
Wish I had something funny for you, but I'm in the middle of revising my wip and I can assure that there is NOTHING in there that is remotely amusing! However, like ello, my fav lines all come from The Princess Bride.
Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Good luck for your tough week!
Call me thick but I didn't realize until now that you had a Demon Baby blog. I love it and have bookmarked it. I identified with the appearances post - my son has long hair and his girlfriend would kill him if he cut it.
Paul Erdös opened his lectures with a one-liner. It wasn't funny but of course everyone laughed uproariously.
Hi Amanda:
Lots of Princess Bride fans. :-)
E
Hi Suzanne:
Yes, that's the blog about my "real life."
And that post . . . you know, it's funny because I see appearances so little . . . it only recently is dawning on me how OTHERS see him. I LOVE his long hair!!
E
stephen:
I am reading American Prometheus--I couldn't sleep last night around 3:00 a.m. and opened it up and read two chapters. there were many funny quantum mechanics jokes in the chapter I happened to be in.
:-)
E
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