Measure of a Life
I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.
~Joan Didion
Today I am writing a horrifically dark chapter in which my hero does something completely unethical that will haunt him the rest of the novel. And I realize I have this underlying theme about the measurement of a life. What is one life worth? And does it matter WHOSE life it is? Why is one life cheap . . . and one of great value? And who decides? This is what I wrangled with at three a.m. when my characters decided to have a great insomniac debate on the measure of a life.
I have worked for years as a volunteer with people who are either invisible to most . . . or they are "Other." I see firsthand how people are very comfortable doing to Other what they would not do to people who look like them, who live in the same neighborhood and go to the same church or school. I have listened to rants about "those people"--"Other"--who live in poverty "by choice" or who don't have the "right" values. I listen and walk away with a heavy heart because I don't know how "Other" got to be so feared.
And so I write probably the hardest chapter I've tackled in a while. I have no doubt this will be a four- or five- or ten-draft chapter.
And I came across the quote by Joan Didion. Today I discover what I'm thinking. What I'm thinking at 3:00 a.m. I'm not sure it's pretty . . . but it will be raw and real.
So tell me . . . does Didion's quote speak to you? Why do YOU write?
12 comments:
I agree 100% with her quote, actually. And a corollary, I was on a panel of writers a couple years ago and Sean Chercover said, "Writing fiction is how I process the world." Which nailed it in a way I'd never quite considered. I sometimes think that for many of us who occasionally wish we could let go of the tiger's tail of fiction writing, one of the reasons we can't is because we can't process life the same way without it.
Mark:
I agree. I don't know that I could turn it off. At least without substituting it for some other creative outlet.
E
Sometimes the cheapest lives are worth the most. I grew up with mental patients. Most of them were throw-aways some of whom were buried in graves with no names on them. Only id numbers (which for some hospitals have since been lost). Yet, those folks changed my life, my whole way of seeing things.
I know YOU wouldn't do this, but to those who would, I'd say, "Don't tell me "throwaway people" aren't important. I know they are."
These thoughts probably don't have anything to do with the character you're writing about today, but this is what your blog triggered in me today.
There's a sign at my current campground, which just so happens to make an appearance in my latest WIP, that says, "Do not feed stray cats, dogs, or illegal humans."
If that answers your question. :-)
Do you ask a stray human if he is illegal?
Joe:
I have learned the lessons that MOST make me who I am from people who are invisible to most.
E
Natasha:
That's REALLY upsetting. :-(
Richmond:
The amount of prejudice against Mexicans in Richmond is astounding and my kids run into it ALL the time. That is my biggest regret about leaving South Florida (where Latinos were a far stronger presence).
E
We once had a family discussion, initiated by my younger son. He asked if you had a black box with a button, and knew that if you pushed the button someone in the world would die but you would get 10 million bucks, would you push the button?
I was appalled with the results. Everyone but me would push the button. Not only would my older son push the button, but he would push it repeatedly. I still really hope they were kidding. If they weren't, I'm a horrible mother and I married a sociopath.
Robin:
That's a Stephen King scenario and was just made into a movie. I could never . . .
E
I agree with the quote. For me fiction provides a filter for a difficult world.
I think the concept of "other" is a natural self-defense mechanism, and a theme I'm struggling with in SCAR. It's tough to create a believable middle ground on prejudice. I want no saints in my story, and yet Castile accepts others very well. So now I'm working on a backstory that shows that he earned the right to think that way.
Starbucks:
Very astute about earning that. In mine, my main character survives Chernobyl as a boy . . . and has medical problems as a result . . . he comes by what he is willing to do to save his lover and the world by way of disaster and I think it makes him an ethical realist.
E
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